According to the definition of psychologists, a person's character is an individual set of personal properties that determine a person's attitude to everything around him and are manifested in the actions he performs.

The most basic, basic character traits are laid in early childhood, it can be confidently asserted that already at the age of 5-6 the child has a sufficiently developed character. Already in the second year of life, the boy either demonstrates strong-willed qualities to adults, and by 3-4 years of age, the child has already formed business qualities.

All signs of communicative tendencies appear at the age of 4-5 years, when the child begins to actively participate in role-playing games in a group of other children.

While studying at school, the process of character formation continues, but if parents and teachers have the maximum influence on the pupil of the lower grades, then, starting from the middle grades, the child listens more and more to the opinions of his peers, but in the senior grades the assessments and recommendations of adults again become important.

During this age period, the media also significantly influences the young person.

In the future, the character will change somewhat on the basis of personal meetings, relationships with other people; at an older age, some personality traits change again, but for different reasons.

At the age of 50, a person finds himself as if on the border between the past and the future, he no longer builds grandiose plans for his future life, but it is too early to completely immerse himself in memories. After 60 years, a person already clearly realizes the full value of both the past and the present, he has a leisurely and measured reasoning and actions, even if such qualities were not inherent before.

Can an adult change his character?

After reaching thirty years of age, cardinal changes in character are extremely rare, but still it is never too late to change oneself. A person at any moment in his life can influence those traits of his character that he does not like, there are many methods for this, but the main thing is that the decision to change must be voluntary and conscious.

In such a situation, a systematic approach will help a lot. On a separate piece of paper, you need to write down those character traits that cause irritation, and opposite each write in what exactly they are manifested. Having weighed everything that has been written, it will be much easier for a person to control himself and prevent further undesirable actions on his part.

The process of character formation is long, complex, and it will not be easy to get rid of unpleasant traits, but it is still possible, and the person will feel especially uncomfortable during the first week after making a decision. When control over undesirable character traits becomes a habit, it will be much easier to monitor your behavior, and the person himself will not notice how his life and the life of his loved ones will change for the better.

"Please tell me, ? I am 20 years old and I cannot control myself. I can be either angry and aggressive, or kind of normal and calm. And then again I start snapping at everyone, I can get nasty, slam the door. I often take offense at trifles. Sometimes I try to restrain myself, but I’m missing for a long time. I hate myself like that. I have almost no friends. What should I do with myself? "

Victoria Vinnikova, teacher, answers:

Hello Anna. We all dream of getting better. Someone is tired of being irritated and snapping at others, another wants to become decisive and self-confident, the third is tired of being rude and offended. Most often we are talking about stable habits, but at the same time we all want to change our character.

In this article, we will show you 5 simple steps to understanding what character is given to you and how you can fix it.

1. Everyone has their own disposition and special temperament

Obviously, all people are different. One person is nimble and agile from birth, and it may seem to a calmer person that a nimble person has such a restless character. The other is slow and detailed, prone to systematization and analysis. And then an already smart person can say that the first has a boring character.

Someone is overly emotional, someone is more self-contained. We all have our own characteristics, and when characterizing a person, we add different epithets: hysterical, emotional, artistic, withdrawn, etc. And what - all these people need to change their nature and quickly ask themselves the question: how to change their character for the better?

The scientific answer lies in the area of ​​the unconscious, which is studied and disclosed by the System-Vector Psychology of Yuri Burlan.

When we want to change our character, we first need to understand what exactly we want to change in it, that is, to understand what exactly prevents us from achieving the desired result or makes us suffer.

System-vector psychology gives a clear answer why this or that does not work out in life and how to fix it: at the same time, use your character correctly.

As in the well-known proverb: sow an act - reap a habit, sow a habit - reap character, and sow character - reap destiny.

2. Character - congenital or acquired?

We are all different from each other, but at the same time our desires, properties and aspirations can be combined into groups, which Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology calls vectors.

So the character of each person is determined by his innate vectors.

You can sulk at your character, but that won't change anything. Better to figure out how everything works and fix what can be changed.

3. Habits are formed from childhood

It is obvious that character is formed from childhood. It is there that we do our first actions, which then become habits. Good or not is another question.

All our actions are dictated by unconscious desires for pleasure, asserts the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan. Therefore, the formation of childhood habits is based on the child's desire to receive pleasure or avoid suffering.

When, for example, the innate desire of a person with a skin vector - by nature fast, dexterous, constantly in motion - is suppressed in childhood and he is forced to "sit upright and not twitch", as a result he develops a habit of fuss and fidgeting.

And if a child with an anal vector, which by nature is circumstantial and unhurried, was constantly urged on and rushed, then from childhood such a character trait as stubbornness is formed in him that outwardly looks as if he falls into a stupor on any occasion.

“… During the training I became the winner of the professional competition“ Teacher of the Year ”. I allowed myself to improvise from the stage (I was afraid before). There was confidence, courage, a desire to experiment. No irritability or nervousness. At least I learned to control myself. Now there is more energy, desire to act.

Thanks to the SVP, with all my passion, without saving, I live and give myself up to life. I allow myself to be filled (in selfishness!), Because I want to give more to others. Previously, she considered it an "honor" to be a "martyr" and to pull the "cross" on herself. Now I have allowed to take off the layer of culture and feel my nature. It is a great pleasure to feel yourself! .. "

The famous inner smile appears already at the free online training on systemic vector psychology by Yuri Burlan.

Character is a reflection of our inner life. Many people think about this question: how to change the character for the better? Bad behavior can make your life very dark. Often people are repelled by indifference, stubbornness, cruelty, rudeness, unwillingness to meet halfway. For example, the intention to live only for oneself forms egoistic aspirations. Such a person will never consider and take into account the needs of others. The ego-centered person is completely focused on satisfying his daily desires. for the better? This article will tell you about this.

Analyzing your own behavior

We all know when we do wrong. In this case, the person has remorse. Good character is the result of personal work on yourself, accepting your individuality and eradicating addictions. Nothing just changes, and even more so. It is quite simple to dissolve oneself: one has only to give up a few times at some manifestations of selfishness, as it immediately becomes a habit.

An analysis of your own behavior will help you understand in what cases you were mistaken before, when you acted not very nicely. To make actions visible, use the method of written comparison. Write down the situations in which you were wrong and reflect on each point separately. It is important not to hide anything, not to hide from yourself. Otherwise, you will not be able to fully realize your own mistakes, which means that you will miss the opportunity to correct them. Inappropriate behavior definitely needs correction. Looking from the outside will help you realize what you really need to strive for.

Positive charge

Have you ever wondered why there are few really happy people in the world? The thing is that we often do not know how to rejoice. Smile more often, give positive messages to your relatives and colleagues! The manifestation of the best qualities of character begins with the ability to see beauty in everything that surrounds us. Notice how beautiful the dawn can be, how unique communication with close and dear people is.

If you learn to receive the necessary positive charge every day, you will feel cheerful all day long. Having an optimistic outlook on the world is essential if you want to succeed. As a rule, happiness accompanies those who know how to value it. Smile more often, show concern for loved ones, appreciate all the good things in life. You can always find a reason for joy, if there is a desire.

Raising honesty

People who don't know how to be sincere can never be completely happy. It would seem, how is character related to inner satisfaction? It's simple: the manifestations of certain traits affect the feelings of others. Accordingly, they conclude within themselves whether it is pleasant for them to interact with us, whether they want to continue communication in the future. Sometimes we do not even notice that inadvertently we can offend someone, hurt someone.

How to change your character for the better? Begin to cultivate honesty. A sincere attitude will help change character, remove the reaction of self-defense. You will find that interacting with people will bring more joy and inner satisfaction. Show yourself from a position of sincerity. Keep this promise, do not let your mood spoil and get lost over trifles.

Meditation

Why is inner comfort so important for maintaining emotional balance? All these components directly affect the character of a person. Experts in the field of psychological science have proved that manifestations of intolerance, backbiting, aggressiveness are always associated with some serious internal problem. Most often, children's grievances and karmic shortcomings make themselves felt. It is advisable to start fostering a love of life in oneself with liberation from oppressive experiences and addictions. To change character, it is not enough just to quit smoking or complain endlessly.

Meditation gives a person a sense of inner security. One who constantly practices various spiritual practices, over time, begins to feel confident and self-sufficient. At the same time, the character changes independently. A person consciously cultivates such traits as tolerance, responsibility, an optimistic view of the world as a whole. If you start practicing meditation, you will very soon notice that you have started to lead a healthy lifestyle. Bad habits will gradually go away, leaving no trace.

Disclosure of talents

Each person has unique tendencies for something. Only often we forget about them, we do not strive to develop our existing abilities. This is a huge omission, a colossal mistake that must be corrected as soon as possible. The disclosure of talents contributes to character correction. How? The fact is that a person who has found his place in life is bound to become happy. He stops complaining about gray everyday life, does not seek to conflict with others, does not spread gossip behind his back. The negative manifestations of life simply do not interest him. A happy person is busy with inspiring thoughts, he has a need to share his joy with others.

Think about what type of activity is especially close to you? If you still haven't found yourself, maybe it's time to devote precious days, hours and minutes to this issue?

Giving help

There are many people in the world who may need your active participation. First of all, you should pay attention to your loved ones. Do good deeds, do not skimp on the manifestation of human warmth and genuine participation. You will not lose anything, but people will really enjoy it. Remember, everyone wants to feel needed.

Providing help greatly influences character, fosters sensitivity in a person. Such a person will not pass by a needy old man or child, will not offend an animal. Someone who helps people in some way notices that thinking completely changes: you start to think less about yourself, you focus more on the needs of others. A kind person always has an affectionate word. Just think about how many people really need attention and comfort.

Action control

Of course, character cannot be changed overnight. It will take a long time before you can tell yourself that you've gotten rid of bad habits and all kinds of annoyances. Try to be in control of your actions in the future, so as not to allow anger, envy, disappointment, and unfair treatment of others. Remember, the more warmth and joy you give to others, the better for everyone. However, there is no need to expect any gratitude in return, do not demand immediate returns, just be generous, generous. Allow yourself to rejoice at the achievements of others, eradicate all selfishness!

Instead of a conclusion

Thus, working on character is the direct responsibility of each of us. A person is required first of all to take responsibility for what is happening. Become open and sincere in your expressions of care and love, then you don't have to think about how to change your character for the better.

The desire to change character appears in a person at the moment of understanding that his features interfere with life : communication, career growth, building a harmonious union with a partner, loved ones.

The problem can be solved by hard work, self-discipline, strong desire.

Can you change your character yourself?

You can only change your character on your own. This is a difficult job, implying painstaking daily work, which for the person himself cannot be performed by another.

Previously, it was believed that a change in character is impossible, it is given at birth, representing a combination of psychological traits, temperament, nervous processes of the body, brain activity - biologically predetermined by heredity indicators.

But this is not the case. After analyzing your life, you can see that each personality is different from what it was 5-10 years ago. Habits, preferences, life priorities, attitudes towards various things, and sphere of interests are changing.

Genetically, these inclinations play a role in behavior: it is difficult for a choleric person to become calm, self-possessed, and a phlegmatic person will not sparkle with joy for any reason. However, with due diligence, a large mass of features can be changed.

You will have to work in a comprehensive and systematic manner, including awareness, analyzing every act, word, even thought.

First of all, you need to understand what features bring difficulties, how they should be replaced, what it will bring.

A change plan is built, it is determined how long the process will take. The terms are set adequate, it is impossible to wake up in the morning as a completely new person. A prerequisite is desire and will. On "want" without work you will not go far.

You will have to educate yourself as a child. Praising success, fighting failure, is a natural part of personal training. The path will be thorny and winding.

The attitudes received in childhood play an important role. Overresponsible parents, trying to protect the child from mistakes, deprive him of responsibility for his actions, discourage him from taking the initiative.

Patterns of behavior and thinking are transmitted from mom-dads (“the boss shouted - come home, give everyone a thrashing,” “an honest person is never successful, rich,” etc.). We'll have to work, changing negative programs for constructive ones.

For the better

You should learn to think in a positive way, rejoice in the insignificant daily gifts of fate that happen to everyone. Had to get up early?

I saw a beautiful sunrise, drank a cup of coffee in silence while my family was fast asleep. The son did not take the dog for a walk?

An excellent opportunity to unwind after work, improve your health with a walk, make interesting new acquaintances on the dog's playground. Stuck in traffic? I thought about the plan for the day, meditated, turned on my favorite radio and relaxed. There are hundreds of examples.

Sincerity is another condition. You have to be honest with yourself and others. Without cunning to answer to oneself, what is the cause of irritation right now: is it really a husband who has scattered socks, forgot to buy bread, or a lack of money at home, banal fatigue?

If you are invited to visit, but you do not want to go, it is better to say frankly that now there is no mood or other plans have been conceived. This is better than ruining the evening for yourself, burdening yourself with the event, and for others, spoiling the mood of people with a lean face.

To tougher

Those with gentle temperaments suffer the most.

Compliant people are "loved". They are convenient, they are forced to solve other people's problems all the time, they shift work from negligent colleagues to them, ask for a loan and do not give it back, manipulate a sense of duty, guilt. At a certain moment, a person realizes that he is living other people's lives, but the word “no” is absent in the lexicon.

You will have to start with love. To myself, the rest. You need to understand that by solving their problems for people, you are doing a "disservice". A friend asks for a loan for a new dress for the second time in two months? Having received a refusal, she will learn to measure the level of income with the needs or find a higher-paid job.

Help relieve negative influences and pressure from others around team sports - basketball, football. The team forms a common energy - gives determination, purposefulness. Such a sport deprives of personal responsibility for the opponent's loss, gradually forming a habit of achieving goals.

The people around them love the lively participation directed at them. Asking about business, family, well-being is a matter of a couple of minutes. It will be possible to find common ground with the majority of colleagues and relatives.

It is hard for introverts who avoid idle chatter, extroverts cope with the task simply. Enough of duty greetings, a polite smile, words of gratitude for the service rendered.

Beyond recognition

Good reasons are needed for such a change.

What can be done:

1. ... Cardinally. Down with tracksuits, an alternative to sweatshirts - stilettos and dresses. Hairstyle, jewelry, accessories - everything should be different.
2. Change habits. Tea instead of coffee in the morning, replace the elevator on foot, the habit of having breakfast in the afternoon - oatmeal at 7 in the morning. It will be tasteless, difficult, scary, but this is the only way to renew itself beyond recognition. The body, getting used to living in a new regime, strengthens the spirit.
3. Experience new emotions... This is the surest path to transformation. Emotions give life experience, pull up a fresh environment.
4. Choose a worthy role model... To copy the facial expressions of an idol, habits, way of thinking, his path of success.
5. Study yourself. Space is hidden inside a person, it's time to master it. Desires, motives for actions, behavior, reasons for reactions are hidden inside. Having understood their origins, it is easier to manage emotions, control actions, and develop abilities.
6. Take a break in stressful situations. The hardest thing is to keep yourself under control in an extreme situation. The body tries to give out the usual reaction (screaming, crying, hitting, running away). You can count to 50, drink a glass of water, go to another room for five minutes - any option will do. Think about what needs to be done now, how to react correctly, and only then act.
7. Create blanks of behavioral models. Most of the situations in life are repeated. It is useful to select in advance the most frequent (communication, actions) and come up with your own reaction. A colleague loves to pin up - throw a joke in response, mom teaches - you will unexpectedly agree. Behavior is encouraged to come up with diametrically opposite natural reactions.

It is important to understand that the basis of rigidity is not anger, resentment, aggression, but justice. Better to stop communicating with toxic acquaintances who play on other people's weaknesses.

How to Change Your Character: 11 Right Steps

1. Come to an awareness of the need for change, be ready to act on a daily basis.
2. Determine how much time will be devoted to the road to the "better self".
3. Not to be afraid of mistakes, failures is a natural part of development, to abolish self-flagellation for mistakes. Only analysis and control.
4. Indicate traits to be eradicated and desired replacement.
5. Eliminate or minimize contact with toxic people who sow doubt, those who pull down.
6. Workout. Spirit and body are an inseparable system: when training muscles, the will is tempered.
7. Learning new skills - cooking, foreign languages, "blind" typing, playing the violin broaden the horizons and contacts, and increase self-esteem.
8. To rejoice at small victories, from which the Great Triumph will be formed.
9. Find sources of "recharge" that give a charge of enthusiasm, strength, optimism.
10. Record successes. Create a paper, electronic diary. Analyze in detail every day.
11. Set aside time for excitement. A living person will not be able to control himself around the clock. Experiences are a part of life that helps to understand yourself, the world around you. Twice a week, it is allowed to worry about everything at once for half an hour.

Adhering to the rules of the plan, form a new character - a matter of time. Self-confidence, sincere desire, hard work will lead to the desired result.

It won't take long to get rid of one or two habits; a radical change will take a long period. It is easier for young people to change due to less life experience, greater flexibility of the psyche.

You can often hear the phrase: "The character is given to a person from birth." But it happens that some character traits cause unpleasant events in life. And then the question arises, is it possible to change your temper? According to psychologists, a person must constantly work on himself - if something prevents him from achieving success in life, then it is necessary to get rid of it.

There is also a directly opposite opinion - the character cannot be changed. Is it really? Today we'll talk about how you can change your character. I will present to your attention the most effective advice from psychologists to help you change your habits and lifestyle.

When a tough disposition or, conversely, self-doubt, becomes the cause of troubles and problems, then there is a desire to change something dramatically in your life. And you need to start with character.

The opinions of psychologists about whether it is possible to change the disposition differ. Some of them believe that it is impossible to change the disposition, and bad habits or weaknesses need to be "turned over" so that they subsequently help a person to achieve the highest benefits. Another opinion of specialists in the field of psychology is that it is necessary to get rid of the habits that interfere with a normal life. And you can do this, you just need to want, and then start hard work on yourself.

What is character? These are habits, a way of thinking, a behavioral basis and a certain type of response to various situations. The character of a person has no genetic basis, that is, it cannot be inherited. How a person is to their liking depends on numerous factors. Firstly, upbringing has a strong influence on character. Second, the way of life and the surrounding atmosphere are also the building blocks of character.

Throughout life, a person's disposition changes. The first changes begin to appear in childhood - most children are kind, sympathetic, straightforward and naive. Then changes occur in adolescence - aggressiveness and irritability appear. At a young age, a person becomes purposeful, self-confident, decisive, or, conversely, passive, fearful and distrustful. In an adult, character can change depending on the situation.

For example, even the most calm and direct person will become active and decisive if an angry beast appears in front of him. An energetic and decisive person at work becomes lazy and good-natured at home.

What do the characteristic features depend on?

So, we see that the temper can be changed. How can you change your character? The first thing to start with is changing your habits or how you respond to certain situations. Secondly, you need to understand that after certain traits of character are changed, they will need to be constantly "worked".

The ability to change disposition depends on numerous factors:

• age - the older a person is, the more difficult it is for him to “work” on himself and try to change something in himself ”
• congenital features - in some people the ability to change character is "inherent" by nature, others have to make great efforts to correct something in themselves.
• upbringing - only from parents or close relatives can you learn about such concepts as good and evil, independence and softness, decisiveness and laziness;
• interests are an indicator of character that determines the behavioral foundations of a person;
• social circle - the people around have a great influence on the habits and behavior of a particular person.

Character traits to get rid of

Psychologists identify 3 character traits that prevent a person from achieving life's benefits. Accordingly, if these traits "guide" the behavior, then it will be very difficult to change something within oneself.

Before you change your character, you need to get rid of the following traits forever:

• Laziness. It is difficult for a lazy person to develop discipline. That is, he will try to postpone all important things "for tomorrow", since today he is too lazy to do them.
• Low self-esteem. Those who do not love themselves are incapable of improving their lives. It is very important to learn not just to like yourself, but to love. Self-love develops self-confidence, and a self-confident person is able to cope with the most negative traits in order to become better and more perfect.
• Passivity and negative thinking. This point is inextricably linked with the previous one. It is impossible for such phrases to exist in the soul: “I cannot do it”, “I cannot do it”, “I am not able to do better than others”. It is important to learn to always say "Yes".

How can you change your character?

You can change the character. You just need to start working hard on yourself. Following the algorithm of the actions described below, you can quickly eliminate negative traits from your character and acquire positive sides.

Analysis of your own character

To begin with, you need to determine the traits of temper, which you will need to get rid of. This can be done very simply - take a sheet of paper, draw a vertical strip on it, write down negative features in one column, and a way to get rid of them in the other.

For example, a person is uncommunicative. You need to become sociable and sociable. It will be possible to achieve this if a person begins to communicate more often with pleasant people, participate in social events, get acquainted and take initiative in conversations with colleagues or partners.

Another example, a person is weak and cowardly. In this case, you will need a lot of work on yourself. You can conquer your fears only if you “look them in the eyes”.

Awareness of the problem

Changing your character is not easy, and many people have a question - is it necessary to do this. If such thoughts appear in your head, then you need to urgently eliminate them.

The easy way: you need to find a person who has the same negative traits (for example, cowardice or indecision). Then from the outside you need to watch how he lives, what his problems are, how his negative trait prevents him from achieving success in life. Only after the problem has been "decrypted" will you immediately want to get rid of it.

Search for an idol

It is very useful to find the image of the person you want to be like. For example, if a colleague is decisive and purposeful, then he achieves respect from his superiors, and he, in turn, regularly encourages him with good bonuses. Of course, one wants to be like such an active colleague.

Self-control

It will take time to get positive results. Psychologists say it takes 21 days to change a habit. Throughout the time, you will have to carefully control your own emotions, behavior and state of mind.

It is important to follow the sequence. That is, it is impossible to radically change the character right away, you need to do it gradually - first we change one trait, and then proceeds to change others.

Encouragement

Any work should be rewarded. Changing character is a huge work, and for it you must definitely receive a worthy reward.

The best reward will be words of gratitude from neighbors. To get kind words addressed to you, you need to do something good and meaningful, for example, feed the homeless puppies, help the old woman cross the road, open the door in the store for a young mother with a stroller.

Conclusion

• The character of a person is the basis of his life. Character is not just about behavioral foundations, it is about habits and reactions to certain actions.
• It is possible to change the character towards improvement, but it is necessary to prepare for painstaking and responsible work. Only by changing the negative traits in oneself can one understand how close the path to happiness and success is.