The demiurges Shambambukli and Mazukta were sitting in the living room and drinking tea with biscuits. There was a soft but insistent knock.

- Wait, don't open it! - shouted the demiurge of Shambambukli to the demiurge Mazukta, who had already got up from his chair and went to the door.

- And actually, why? - Mazukta was surprised.

- There ... you have no idea who is there!

“I don’t imagine,” Mazukta agreed. - That's why I want to see.

He turned the knob decisively and flung open the door.

On the threshold stood two people in long, unobtrusive robes.

- How can I help you? - Mazukta smiled cordially.

He was in a good mood and was ready to comply with two or three extraordinary requests.

“We carry light,” said one of the guests.

- Electricians, or what?

- Spiritual light! - specified the second guest.

Shambambukli rolled his eyes in anguish. Mazukta examined the visitors with interest, looked behind them and raised an eyebrow inquiringly.

“We are the witnesses of Shambambukli,” the First Guest will solemnly declare.

- Truth? - Mazukta perked up. - Are you from the prosecution or from the defense?

The guests looked at each other.

- Witnesses. Just witnesses, ”the Second said with pressure.

“I understand,” Mazukta nodded. - It's like witnesses to a natural disaster, huh?

- No, - answered the Second with a stone face. - Shambambukli is not a natural disaster!

- And what about the spontaneous good? - Helpfully prompted Mazukta.

The second hesitated, thought for a few seconds and nodded slowly.

“Mazukta, don't mess with them,” Shambambukli warned. Mazukta just waved it off.

- Continue, gentlemen. I'm listening to you. So you saw Shambambukli ...

“We didn’t see him,” the First frowned. - Although, of course, we strive for this with all our hearts.

Mazukta moved a little so that the guests could better see the seated Shambambukli.

“But we are called Witnesses because we know his innermost secrets and his will! - finished the Second pompously.

- Seriously? - Mazukta admired. - But he did not tell me anything.

He glanced reproachfully at his friend.

- Now they will invite you to the seminar, - Shambambukli gloomily predicted.

“Today, at six,” the guests confirmed with one voice.

- No, today I can't do anything, - Mazukta shook his head. - I have an appointment at four in the desert, in two hours, I'm afraid I can't manage it.

- Then the day after tomorrow?

Mazukta did not have time to answer - Shambambukli jumped up from his chair and resolutely slammed the door.

“Well, I was just going to have some fun,” Mazukta pouted.

“Don't mess with it,” repeated Shambambukli. - Honestly, better not!

A skinny brochure squeezed under the door with a rustle, and Mazukta snatched it up predatory before Shambambukli could take it away.

- Aha! Here it is, the secret essence of Shambambukli! - Mazukta cried joyfully. - Intimate secrets and higher thoughts! Everything you need to know about the demiurge and the universe! Come on, come on ...

He flipped through the brochure quickly and frowned in puzzlement.

- And it's all..? Four pages including the headline?

“That’s why I don’t like them,” grumbled Shambambukli.

The mood now is Philosophical

Here! I have given you a proof! ”Said the demiurge of Shambambukli to the demiurge Mazukta.

What? - the demiurge Mazukta did not understand sleepily.

Proof. Brought. That people are not brutes.

A-ah, you're talking about it ... Well, come in. Show what you have there.

Mazukta, holding his pajama pants with one hand, stepped aside and let the demiurge of Shambambukli into the apartment.

And these are with you?

Yes. These are people. And they are not cattle.

I've heard that before. You bring the proof.

Here, I brought it. People.

I see that people. Where is the proof?

Well, how ...

Shambambukli, - said Mazukta irritably. - You woke me up at the dawn of the third millennium. Do you yourself like it when they wake you up at dawn?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Briefly speaking! Here are your people. Explain clearly why they are not brutes, or let me sleep peacefully.

Not brutes. Because they do not act out of compulsion, but out of love.

Seriously?

Yes. Over the course of several generations, I have closely followed this people, courted, guided, and suggested to them the most profitable ways of development in every possible way. Now they obey me in everything, respect me, praise me ...

Well, wait a minute.

Mazukta turned into people.

Here you are, with a beard. Answer, does your demiurge really act only with affection and persuasion?

Yes! ”The man responded with delight.

And you always listen to him?

And never contradict him?

Never!

And why?

Out of great love for him!

Why do you love him so much?

For all! For he is our shepherd, and we are all his faithful lambs.

That is, rams? - Demiurge Mazukta grunted with satisfaction and turned to the embarrassed demiurge of Shambambukli:

So, you say, not cattle, right?

Let's argue again ..? - Shambambukli suggested timidly.

Is this your philosopher? ”Asked the demiurge Mazukta.

He's the one, - the demiurge of Shambambukli nodded.

Hmm ... - Demiurge Mazukta disdainfully poked the motionless body with his foot. - Is he drunk?

Yes, it happens to philosophers.

And you claim that this scum of society created the theory of free will and predestination?

Yeah. I find this to be sufficient not to consider man to be cattle. The cattle wouldn't think of that.

A moot point, - grumbled Mazukta. - Only cattle can get drunk to a bestial state.

Then the man raised his head, focused his gaze on Mazukta and casually said:

And if I am a cattle, then the hell did you come with your problems to the cattle? And who are you yourself after this?

The demiurges exchanged glances.

In my opinion, he left you, ”Shambambukli said with a smile.

S-s-bastard, - Mazukta hissed.

What distinguishes a person from an animal? - asked the demiurge Mazukta and answered it himself. - Ability to abstract thinking. Agree?

Well, let's say, ”the demiurge of Shambambukli nodded cautiously.

Fine. Then look!

Mazukta folded his palms like a megaphone and shouted, addressing the world:

Bring me, people, your children! I'll eat them today at dinner!

Do you eat children? ”Asked Shambambukli in surprise.

No, of course, - Mazukta shrugged his shoulders. - That's the whole trick. Now people will start stupidly to bring me their children, and not one will even ask the question, why, in fact, why?

Wait, but kids ...

And what about the children? Pure innocent souls, there will be no problem with them. I’m starting on the second round, with almost no waste.

Mazukta, but this is cruel ..!

I know it's cruel. But look ... yeah, over there, see? They are already coming. Columns. They carry, ha! These are idiots, right?

Mazukta ... please stop it.

No, just think! Instead of being indignant, they blindly and obediently sacrifice their own children to the cruel deity! And who are they then, not animals?

No. Animals never do that.

Hmm ... But you're right, perhaps.

Mazukta winced in annoyance and shouted again:

Hey people hang up. I don’t need your children. Get out of here. I told who! Hey there ... Well stop ... I said stop! Yes, everything is already, everything, I believe, I do not need ... But where are you them ... Why are you there, have gone crazy ?! Shambambukli, just look what's going on!

Children slaughter old people.

Children! I told them, bring the kids, not the grandfathers!

They didn't hear well.

Ugh! - Mazukta turned away from this picture. - Dumb-pits! Listen, maybe they really came from a monkey?

Play, or what ...? - bored demiurge Mazukta suggested to his friend demiurge Shambambukli.

Let's. And what?

Yes, whatever! Well, at least ... well, get out the chessboard.

Demiurge Shambambukli immediately took a board out of the air and laid it out on the table.

And the figures? ”He asked.

What other figures? Tea, we're not playing chess.

And what?

In response, the demiurge Mazukta shook out from his palm two heaps of round chips - black and white.

Ooh, I get it.

Do you want to play white? ”Mazukta asked.

Yes, if it's possible.

OK. Then explain the rules to them and let's get started.

Explain to them ..?!

Well, of course. And let's see who wins.

That is, they will play themselves? Without us?

What's the problem?

No, nothing ...

Well then, get started. Tell your friends all the rules and subtleties of the game, develop tactics and strategy, and I will do the same with mine. And let's see who is the best teacher.

Shambambukli began to enlighten his chips, Mazukta began to explain something to his own. After a while, both announced their readiness.

Get in line! ”Mazukta commanded, and the counters took their places. Shambambukli frowned.

They somehow stand strangely ...

It doesn't matter, - Mazukta waved him off. - It's too late to change something, the game has begun.

White moved his first piece. In response, a black one jumped forward from the other side, followed by another, a third ... White flew off the board.

Mazukta, what's going on?

Like what? Cavalry raid.

But this is not according to the rules!

Why not by the rules? And what did you teach your friends to play?

Checkers, of course.

And I went to Chapaeva.

But tell me, Shambambukli, - said the demiurge Mazukta. - When you create people, what is their first word?

In the sense?

Well, what do they say when they appear?

That is? - Mazukta did not understand. - And then what is the second word?

When how, - Shambambukli shrugged his shoulders. - Sometimes "what", sometimes "how." It happens that the first word is "not", or "oh", or just "a". There are also such words that even I do not know them. And what was your first word?

Abyrvalg, - Mazukta snapped.

Demiurge Shambambukli called his friend the demiurge Mazukta.

Mazukta, do you have time?

There is. And you have?

And I do not have enough! That's why I'm calling you. Do you have three hundred extra epochs?

It was somewhere. We have to look. Why do you need?

Yes, you understand, the world made, and the inhabitants sent me a petition.

And what are they asking for?

They ask to make the day at least 2 hours longer.

So they wrote: "at least 2"?

And so they wrote. Well, will you find time for them?

Shambambukli!

First, they are not worthy.

But they are people.

So what if people are still not worthy. They will drink, squander, spend in emptiness.

Well, not all the same. People are different.

People are different, but I have not yet said what is the second.

And what is the second?

And secondly, if you created the world, find time for people yourself.

I'm over. I have no time. - tried to get rid of Shambambukli.

Do not know. Think of something. Redistribute. Optimize.

It's kind of complicated too.

Who is it easy for?

OK. I'll go look, maybe it was lying around somewhere ... At least a hundred epochs ... For the first time ...

Don't twitch! ”Ordered the demiurge Mazukta.

Oh, oah! ”The demiurge of Shambambukli replied angrily.

So don't jerk. Sit still. And open your mouth wider ... even wider!

Yes, that's right. Freeze!

Demiurge Mazukta turned on the drill and began busily picking at the mouth of the demiurge of Shambambukli.

Yyy ... - mumbled Shambambukli.

It’s your own fault! ”Mazukta replied mercilessly.“ Nobody asked you to argue. And in disputes, you yourself know what happens to teeth. Wasn't the last time enough for you?

And s ooh ooh ooh ...

Speak fine.

Ha hey hoh phaikkhah ...

Oh, even so? Couldn't lose? Why did you lose?

Mazukta turned off the drill, Shambambukli rinsed his mouth, spat and shrugged.

I don’t understand myself. I was right!

Undoubtedly. But in order to win the dispute, righteousness alone is not enough. She, by the way, is not important at all.

But what about ..?

That's how. Remember, or better yet, write it down for yourself somewhere. Never, under any circumstances, but on what occasion you can not argue with people. You will surely bet.

Why? - Shambambukli was surprised.

Nobody knows this. The law is like this. In any dispute, people always win. There has not yet been a case for the demiurge to win.

Shambambukli snuffled.

I still can't understand. This was a purely scientific dispute. One scientist and I ... what is his name? Dwalin seems to have been discussing human origins. I argued that man was created from mud, and Dwalin - that he himself came from a monkey. But this is nonsense! I know exactly when, at what time and from what exactly man was created!

Yes? Then why did you lose? ”Mazukta asked mockingly.

Well, you see, you yourself understand everything. It is easier to destroy people than to persuade them. They will never believe you - at least, as long as they have the opportunity to believe in something else, no matter what. Even in the most recent heresy. And they will always be able to defend their point of view, so that you will not find enough teeth.

Shambambukli sighed.

What can you do? If you already got into an argument ... well, by chance?

If you are smart, you will say “you won, my children” and smile.

What if..?

And if you are very smart, then after that you will never argue again.

Mazukta?

What is happiness?

Well, you are our family demiurge?

You have a wife, children, a cozy world ...

Well, I'm asking - what is happiness? You must know for sure.

You see, Shambambukli ... - Mazukta rubbed his chin thoughtfully, - of course I know to know. But here's how to explain it to you ...

And you are an example.

For example? Good idea. Let's go to.

I will show.

Mazukta grabbed his friend's hand and dragged him along, explaining on the way:

What is it to us, we are demiurges. The ones who understand happiness best are people, they always miss it. So the issue has been studied comprehensively there. Now you will see for yourself.

He dragged Shambambukli to the seashore, looked around and grunted contentedly.

See that poor fisherman over there? Look carefully, now he will be happy!

Mazukta pulled out an old mossy jug from his bosom, climbed inside and closed the cork behind him. A minute later, the jug was already in the fishing nets, and two minutes later - in the hands of the fisherman.

Great! ”Mazukta exclaimed as the fisherman pulled out the cork and released it from the jug.“ You're in luck, lad. Make three wishes.

Any. Everything you need to be happy!

Shambambukli, lurking in the bushes, pricked up his ears.

Okay, - the fisherman nodded. - Then I want, first of all, my own island. You can even be small.

With a lock? ”Mazukta clarified.

Not necessary. A small house will suffice. Such ... little white, with a tiled roof. And a separate bathroom.

It will be fulfilled, - Mazukta nodded. - And the second wish?

A beautiful woman, of course, - the fisherman shrugged his shoulders. - Who would love me, and whom I could love too.

Please! ”Mazukta waved his hand, and a beautiful woman appeared next to the fisherman.“ Well, what about the third wish?

Uh ... - the fisherman with difficulty took his eyes from the woman and looked at Mazuktu. - What? Third wish ..? Now.

He turned to the woman and took her by the wrists.

I don't need anything else to be happy. I would like you to make the third wish.

The woman squealed with delight and hung around the fisherman's neck.

Well, Shambambukli, have you understood everything? - Mazukta asked a friend when they were left alone again. - What is needed for complete happiness?

Yeah, I understood, - Shambambukli nodded. - For complete happiness, you sometimes need to sacrifice your desires for the sake of others. So?

Actually, I meant something else ... - Mazukta muttered in shock.

Mazukta! - began the demiurge of Shambambukli. - Every day you satisfy a million desires ...

No, no, - the demiurge Mazukta raised his palm. - I do not satisfy anything. I only grant wishes, these are different things.

Why? - the demiurge of Shambambukli did not understand.

We are talking about people, right? - said Mazukta. - And people cannot be satisfied, they are always dissatisfied with something.

Wait ... Why are you dissatisfied? Here is a man, he asks you for something, and gets what he wants. Why should he be unhappy?

Believe me, Shambamboukli, it sounds strange, but it is a fact. Yes, see for yourself. Take any person who comes first.

Come on, take it. And will we fulfill his wish?

Well, yes. Let's try.

Well, let it be that one. What does he want?

What can a person want? Money, of course.

Well, give it to him!

Attention, I give it. Oh, so he already got them.

Dissatisfied. He thinks that it is not enough.

Give him more.

Attention, I give! All the same, he thinks that it is not enough.

Well, give me even more!

No problem, I give it. Well, everything, flunked him.

Poor…

Why poor? Rich. Gorgeous death, if you look at it. But this is only a special case. It's impossible to please people at all! They ask me for the sun, and then they complain about the heat. They ask for coolness, and then they freeze like tsutsiki and rush summer. In a drought they ask for rain, and in a rain they ask to stop the floods ... In general, they themselves do not know what they want.

Look how everything is wonderfully arranged! ”The demiurge Mazukta said proudly and nodded at his world.

Yes, very nice, - agreed the demiurge of Shambambukli.

Cute is not the right word!

Mazukta opened a folder with a bunch of graphs and showed them to a friend.

Do you see what the level of well-being? Do science? And what about art and education? What about my popularity level? Here's the same! There is only one little business left ...

Mazukta reached out and pressed the button "Armageddon"

Why ?! ”cried Shambambukli.

Mazukta looked at him in surprise.

What do you mean why? How do I get into the leaderboard if I don't finish the game?

Mazukta, explain to me. Why do we need the End of the World, I can understand. Why did you need the Flood?

To me? What makes you think that it was my idea?

Whose is it?

Well ... I just answered the prayer of one dying in the desert. With the same strength with which he prayed.

Demiurge Mazukta came to his friend the demiurge Shambambukli.

What's new? - asked Shambambukli.

Yes, everything is the same. People sent another complaint: they are unhappy that it is too dry in the desert, and too wet in the swamps, - Mazukta waved his hand.

Yes, mine are also unhappy. They say the Great Blueprint is not true, ”answered Shambambukli.

What is the blueprint?

Yes, this drawing, according to which I created the world. And how can it not correspond if I built everything on it.

Let me have a look, ”Mazukta asked curiously.

Look here.

Soooo. Mountains - and here are mountains. And what's that? Forests? That's right, and there are forests here. And here, look, Shambambukli, here a lake is drawn on the map.

Drawn, - confirmed the demiurge.

And in the world there is an empty foundation pit, there is no lake.

Indeed, no, - Shambambukli scratched the back of his head. - A! he exclaimed. - I remembered. I didn't have that much water. I decided to leave myself a reserve for the flood. Well, you understand. And it turned out even better. People wonder where the foundation pit came from. Theories are built. Some believe that this is a meteorite pit.

It's clear. And here there should have been a steppe, as I understand it.

Yes, the steppe. Uh ... You see, the breed remained. Good breed, not some kind of limestone. With semi-precious layers. You know, mountain architecture is my hobby. So I did it there.

This means that people are rightly unhappy: your drawing is really different.

So what to do.

You, Shambambukli, declare a new law for them.

Well, that map is no longer equal to the territory.

Do you think it will help?

Try it and see what happens.

Mazukta?

Here you fulfill a million desires every day ...

Well, I do it.

What for?

That is, how, why? I already explained to you!

Yes I remember. If you do not remind yourself, then no one will believe in you. That's not what I meant. It's just that I haven't known you for the first century, so it’s strange to me why you yourself personally fulfill someone’s desires, and don’t come up with some cunning device? So that it works and you rest.

I've already tried, - Mazukta sighed. - It didn't work out very well.

Truth? Tell!

But what is there to tell ... I was still young then, naive ...

You are not old now!

Yes, but no longer naive. So, I thought one day: why bother in vain, if you can put in the world a million artifacts that grant wishes? A man found such an artifact - and asked for whatever his heart desires. Stupid, huh?

Well why ...

Stupid, you can rest assured. I checked. He created a million artifacts - small, comfortable, shiny, so that they could be clearly seen. He did not regret gold! Everyone - for one desire, so that there is no abuse. So what do you think? What have people begun to wish for themselves?

Yes, the fact of the matter is that nothing! They grabbed my artifacts, hid them away and began to bargain with each other. You yourself understand, one desire is a considerable value, it is worth a lot. You can even exchange it for a cow.

Why not just wish yourself a cow?

Are you asking me? You ask them! In general, nothing came of this venture. Everyone understood that they owned the greatest value, for which they would not regret another life. And what a fool would be if he wasted, and even more so if he gave it up for nonsense. So my artifacts lay unclaimed for a whole week.

A week? And then what happened to them?

And then ... then someone decided to wish for himself a thousand instead of one artifact. Of course, there was no strength in them - I would have been good if I had not foreseen such an opportunity! - but while people figured out what's what, until they figured out that instead of a real magic thing they were being given dummies ...

Understand. Is this how the money appeared?

Yeah. Small golden rounds for which you can exchange a cow. And who, according to ancient belief, fulfill any desires.

What are you doing here? - asked the demiurge Mazukta the demiurge of Shambambukli.

I cook the primary broth, - answered the demiurge of Shambambukli, stirring intently with a spoon in a saucepan.

Primary ... wait, why?

I want everything to be according to science.

Science. Uh-huh. - Mazukta lifted a battered sixth grade biology textbook from the table with two fingers and grunted knowingly.

There is very much indeed! ”Objected Shambambukli.“ I create life! In science ... - he added after a short pause.

Yes? Oh well.

Mazukta sat on the sidelines and crossed his legs. Conveniently fitting the textbook on his knee, he began to read aloud with an expression:

- "Heat seven trillion tons of amino acids, biopolymers and methane to condition, add sulfur and phosphorus to taste and place under hard radiation until scale appears" Have you got scale yet?

Yeah. And when scale appears, let it brew for three million years.

I know. I've done this several times already.

Shambambukli took the saucepan off the fire, tied a towel to the handle and began to twirl it over his head, counting the turns aloud: "one, two, three ... one hundred fifty ... one hundred and eighty ... one million two hundred thousand ... three million!"

He put the saucepan on the table and looked under the lid.

Well? ”Asked Mazukta.

Nothing, - disappointedly held out Shambambukli and threw out the primary broth into the sink. - But why? I did everything according to the recipe! And there it is written in plain text that everything should work out!

Here it is written a little bit differently, - Mazukta objected, running his finger over the text. - It says here that if you are persistent and diligent, you will not make a mistake anywhere and follow the instructions exactly, then with a high degree of probability life will begin by itself ... just a moment, here's a footnote. Yeah, "high probability" is about one two hundred millionth. How many attempts have you made so far?

There are still one hundred million nine hundred ninety-two thousand left! ”Mazukta encouraged him.“ Keep up the good work. And life will arise by itself.

And what are people doing there? ”The demiurge of Shambambukli looked with interest.

They have a construction site of the century there, - the demiurge Mazukta dismissively responded. - They are building a large telescope.

Yes? What for?

To find brothers in mind, - Mazukta snorted. - You might think they have little brothers of their own! No, you think: well, what are they going to do with these brothers in mind? After all, it seems how many times I gave them such an opportunity ...

What opportunity? ”Asked Shambambukli.

Well, this one. Brothers in mind. See for yourself how many parts of the world there are. And each has its own race. Different cultures, different languages, even colors are all different. Ideal conditions for contact!

But what kind of brothers in mind are these? - laughed Shambambukli. - These are all people!

And people are not brothers to each other? ”Mazukta snapped.“ Do you think they dream of meeting some arthropods with horns and a tail in space? No, give them humanoids, and be sure to be cute. And they crossed freely. Well, I gave it to them, you don't even have to go far, everything is right there, next to it, on the home planet. But no, they gnawed ... And they will get out into space - they will gnaw everyone. But I will not release them into space! And I'll ruin the telescope for them. And I will launch the virus into the computer.

And why is this ?!

Do not you know? They are working to create artificial intelligence! We haven’t figured it out with ours yet, but there too ... Well, judge: I endowed people with the ability to bear children, right?

They spend years - what is it, years, they put their whole lives on it! - to make obedient machines out of their children, that is, rational beings in general. And they succeed, in most cases. So at the same time, they still hope to educate an intelligent creature out of the machine?

Or maybe they just also want to feel like demiurges? - suggested Shambambukli.

They will interrupt! ”Mazukta snapped harshly.

The demiurges Mazukta and Shambambukli were sitting in the kitchen and drinking tea.

Atheism is good, said the demiurge Mazukta.

Really? - the demiurge of Shambambukli did not believe.

Of course! - Mazukta replied. - Did you run away from home as a child?

Four times! ”Shambambukli declared proudly.

Then I must understand. Atheists are the same children. They took offense at their parents for something and ran away. And for half an hour they will think how cool and independent they are. And then they will return as if nothing had happened and say "hello, dad, where's my fried calf?"

What about dad?

And dad will pat the prodigal son on the head and answer: "turn around, son. What a funny thing you are! Now I will rip you off with a belt on your ass, then go wash and brush your hair, and then, so be it, you can sit down at the table and eat millet porridge with everyone "

What's good about that? - did not understand Shambambukli.

Good ..? - Mazukta sighed dreamily. - Sometimes they don't come back.

Shambambukli choked on his tea.

That is, as?

Yes, just like that. They leave, begin to lead their own life, and after a while they send a telegram: "Come, they say, dad, I'll treat you to a little calf."

And does it often happen?

Never, - Mazukta gloomily stared into his cup. - But you can dream something?

Well, what should I do with you now? ”The demiurge of Shambambukli asked the man wearily.

Why have I done this? ”The man frowned.

Yes, the fact of the matter is that nothing! But he could.

Well, what could I have there ...

Want to know? Well, for example.

Demiurge Shambambukli placed a large cardboard box on the table.

You should have lived at least another forty years! And paint a hundred pictures. Including several masterpieces. Here, look for yourself - your handwriting?

He poured out of the box a heap of paintings and drawings, the man swallowed in shock and held out his hand, not daring to touch.

Wow ... stunned! That's so beautiful! Oh, here is my signature ... And I didn't even know that I could like this ...

You can't already, "Shambambukli answered harshly." You are not. You have not realized.

He snapped his fingers, the paintings flared and turned into a heap of ash.

Oh! - the man was upset. - Why are you so?

And why are you? - snapped the demiurge. - After all, it is clear to you, in human language, it was said: "do not light a fire in front of a sleeping dragon." And what is left of you now? Even smaller than this heap!

Ha! ”The man snorted.“ Yes, this commandment will soon be three thousand years old!

The dragon, for your information, is about the same.

And I didn't light any fire! I only shone a flashlight in his eyes. And three thousand years ago they did not know any electricity.

So what?

Well ... nothing. About lanterns - this is no longer a commandment, this is all sorts of theologians from themselves then added.

Uh-huh, - Shambambukli nodded. - So you think that I, when I created the world, and then, when I gave you commandments (by the way, I prefer to call them simply "useful advice", but this, in fact, does not matter) - so you do you think I knew nothing about electricity? Just because you haven't opened it yet?

The man frowned.

All the same, fire is fire, and electricity is electricity, and there is nothing to invent any difficulties here.

Go explain this to the dragon, whom you shone in the eyes, - the demiurge shrugged his shoulders. - I'm sure you will have a very interesting discussion.

He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and gently swept the ashes off the table into a tall, nearly full crystal vase.

What a funny ashtray, - said the man.

This is not an ashtray, - said the demiurge. - This is the Cup of Wrath.

Mazukta, - asked the demiurge of Shambambukli, - how do you feel about free will?

Great attitude! - immediately responded the demiurge Mazukta. - I love freedom and permissiveness.

Honestly! You know, I never forbid anyone anything at all. Long ago.

And they told me ...

They told you nonsense!

What "but", what "but"? Look here for yourself.

Demiurge Mazukta held out a telescope to the demiurge of Shambambukli and showed him where to look.

Well, what do you see?

I see a demonstration. Some weirdos are walking by with censers. Others carry posters: "We love our demiurge", "Long live Mazukta, the most democratic demiurge!"

And after that you still have any doubts?

Shambambukli returned the telescope and stared off to the side with embarrassment.

And the lightning? ”He asked quietly.

Lightning? - Mazukta was surprised. - Oh yes, lightning! And without them, I apologize, in any way.

He took aim and struck with a heavenly thunder some bespectacled man who was stuck out his tongue at the demonstrators. The crowd shuddered, but did not lose their pace, and still flowed smoothly past the charred heap that had just been human.

But what about free will? ..- Shambambukli whispered quite quietly.

And this is it. In action. Of course, I allow people anything, but I do not limit myself in anything. And I have more opportunities. So, people, you can do what you want - but then do not be offended if I also do what I want. And you can do as I want, you will be more whole. The choice is completely free.

Where is the choice ?!

The fact that he is explicit does not make him any less free. I hide nothing. I don’t blindfold anyone, I don’t let in a fog. I just say: "if you go to the left, you will lose your head, if you go to the right, you will be alive." Agree that withholding such valuable information would just mean limiting someone's freedom.

Shambambukli snuffled sadly.

Come on! ”Mazukta slapped him on the shoulder.“ Not so many people I have to incinerate. And with each new generation - less and less. This is called "selection".

Mazukta! - said the demiurge of Shambambukli to the demiurge Mazukta. - Do you respect me?

Perhaps, - answered Mazukta after some reflection.

You see. But you yourself are a demiurge. Why then don't people respect me? Your creator?

What have you done to be respected?

Well ... Actually, everything is possible. I created the land for them - a feast for the eyes, the climate is mild, it rains in time, the sun is in moderation, nature is abundant. He taught them to build houses and cultivate the land, blessed them with health and posterity. I gave almost complete freedom of will, I do not interfere in anything, I pay a hundredfold for good deeds, I am condescending to sins ... And they probably don't wipe their feet about me!

Well, right. What did you want? Where will they get respect, with such and such an attitude?

How from where? I’m everything to them ...

You are nothing for them! ”Mazukta interrupted.“ Well, judge for yourself. Here comes a person, for example, to an official. Some small, house manager, for example. How does he talk to him? Respectfully! Maybe he won't take off his hat, but he will follow the intonations. And if the official is a little higher, then they will take off their hat and bow their head. They bow to a very important official in the belt. And they will kneel in front of a very, very large one, and they will lick their boots, and they will not dare to raise their eyes. And why?

Why? - Shambambukli repeated as bewitched.

Power because. And what is power?

Trouble, that's what! ”Mazukta proclaimed triumphantly.“ The only thing that an official can do is either deliver some trouble or get rid of it. And yet they have to beg, beg, beg, and it’s not a fact that they will succeed. And if you do not like it, you will rake in additional misfortunes. This is the kind of treatment people understand!

But I'm not an official ...

You are higher! This means that there should be more harm from you than from any boss! If, of course, you want to be respected at least as a house manager. Arrange floods, pestilence, famine, coldness - everything that climbs into your despotic head. And occasionally, in response to frantic prayers, you can mercifully spare someone. You yourself will be surprised how your rating will rise sharply.

Mazukta, - asked the demiurge of Shambambukli, - and from what else can people be made?

Except for the dirt?

Anything. It doesn't matter at all. But the most important thing is that while you are creating a man, in no case think about the monkey!

Shambambukli, I have a gift for you, - the demiurge Mazukta declared directly from the door. - Put your hands up.

Demiurge Shambambukli obediently held out his palms, and Mazukta placed a small fluffy ball on each.

Oh, how glorious, ”Shambambukli was touched when the lumps opened their eyes and moved their pink noses.

Aha, - Mazukta nodded, taking off and shaking his cloak. - Hares are called. They are white and fluffy, just right for you.

Thanks.

Yes, not at all, - Mazukta shrugged his shoulders. - I still have a lot of them.

He went into the room, sniffed the glass with compote left on the table, winced and transformed it into a fresh cup of coffee.

How many I saved them from death today, you have no idea! ”He said, stretching out blissfully in his chair.“ Sorry. Though they were brainless, but still my creatures, it was a sin to abandon them. After all, they would have drowned.

Where? ”Asked Shambambukli.

Where - where ... in the water!

Shambambukli blinked. For a second, he dreamed of a picture of the demiurge Mazukta, for some reason in felt boots and a dog's coat, sailing on a boat along the river and collecting drowning hares. As soon as you shake your head, the vision was gone.

Flood? ”He asked just in case.

No, the flood, - Mazukta sipped coffee. - Don't be afraid, nothing terrible happened. Two or three villages washed away, it’s business-like. Could be worse.

Worse?

Of course. I'm talking about a flood.

Flood - capitalized or small?

He thought he was Worldwide, - Mazukta sipped his coffee again, - but then I decided, fuck with him. At some other time.

You talk about it so calmly ...

You know, Shambambukli, - Mazukta put the empty cup on the table and leaned forward, - when the number of worlds you have exceeded six hundred, you will also begin to treat all sorts of apocalypses as a necessary part of your routine work. Like weeding. And you don't want to, but you need to.

Well, why did you change your mind in that case? ”Asked Shambambukli.

Zaitsev regretted, - Mazukta shrugged his shoulders. - You can't save everyone, there are too many of them. And what are the hares to blame? They are, you see, white and fluffy. Sorry for them.

Shambambukli stared thoughtfully at the animals, which he continued to hold in his hands.

In that case, ”he said,“ this world is very lucky to have hares in it.

Not without that, - easily agreed Mazukta. - In general, there are many cute creatures. Everywhere you spit, you hit someone cute. What am I, because of some lousy people out there to destroy so many animals in vain? This is not the case. Not prodigally.

And why ..? - began Shambambukli and fell silent in mid-sentence. Mazukta glanced sideways at him and snorted derisively.

You can finish talking, what is already there. You wanted to ask, why can't I destroy some people and leave the world intact?

Come on, don't blush. This thought also crossed my mind, but I rejected it. You understand, worms ...

Worms ?! ”Shambambukli goggled.

Well, yes, they are the most. Although not fluffy, they are still white. Where can they live if people are gone? And then, there are also fleas, lice, E. coli, all sorts of viruses ... They may not be the cutest creatures in the world, but personally in front of me have not done anything wrong. Why should I arrange such a meanness for them?

You want to say…

I don’t want to say anything! ”Mazukta stretched, leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes.“ I'm kidding, you know? My jokes are like that. The usual spring flood today, that's all. And I brought you hares.

Uh, - Shambambukli sighed and smiled tightly. - And I already thought ...

You thought nonsense, - Mazukta yawned with gusto. - And besides, people are also white and fluffy, you know yourself.

“But it doesn't mean anything at all,” he added in an undertone, but so that Shambambukli would not hear.

And how do you know when it is time to destroy the world? ”Asked the demiurge of Shambambukli to the demiurge Mazuktu.

Very simple. First, I can use my omniscience. But then I can be accused of bias, and they will be right. Therefore, I prefer another way.

Yes, the most primitive! I give people an exam. If they can stand - well done, if not ... well, then not great. It's your own fault.

And what kind of exam? - asked Shambambukli. - What questions are there?

Different, - answered Mazukta. - It depends on which ticket will drop out. Yesterday, for example, I examined one world, sort of two hundred and forty-six. The test was the simplest: I appeared to ten randomly selected people and offered them the fulfillment of any desire. On one condition that the neighbor gets twice as much.

I don't understand ... Well, he will get it, so what?

You don't understand because you are a demiurge. But people are arranged differently, they even understand this very well, and just this thought makes them bad.

Why not?

Because that's how they work, I already told you.

Is that how you arranged them?

No. Maybe yes. I do not remember. It doesn't matter, we were not talking about that.

Oh yes, the exam. so what?

The first interviewee thought for a long time, and then asked to knock out his eye.

So that I knock out both of the neighbor, it's obvious.

And you knocked out?

Of course. I promised.

Shambambukli winced.

And second?

The second turned out to be a little smarter, he demanded thirty-two healthy strong teeth for himself.

Shambambukli chuckled.

Yes, I can imagine his neighbor. And the third one?

Pathetic plagiarist. He also asked to knock out his eye. The fourth asked me a rather interesting problem, he wanted to become a woman.

Did you give his neighbor a split personality?

No, I turned him into Siamese sisters. The fifth wished himself a reproductive organ thirty centimeters long. I thought my neighbor would have him sixty ... Figushki, I added two pieces to my neighbor. The sixth also wanted to become one-eyed, the seventh and the eighth - too (for some reason, people generally have a rather limited imagination), the ninth demanded a bag of gold for himself, hoping to then take away two more from his neighbor ...

What was the correct answer?

Correct? Only the tenth answered correctly. When I told him, make a wish, they say, and for your neighbor I will do twice as much, he shrugged his shoulders and replied: "Well, if so ... Then let my neighbor live happily ever after."

What "well"? Everything. The exam is valid. This world is left alone for another hundred years.

I still don’t understand, ”Shambambukli shook his head.“ What's the trick?

You are a demiurge, - Mazukta shrugged his shoulders. - People are arranged differently.

Demiurge Shambambukli sat at the table with his head resting on his hand and watched the wheels of the universe spinning.

What are you doing? ”Asked the demiurge Mazukta.

I am sitting, - answered Shambambukli. - I am watching. I'm listening.

What are you listening?

The music of the spheres. If you want, listen too.

Mazukta approached and bent over the universe.

The ocean roared loudly and solemnly. The magnetosphere squealed in a piercing falsetto. The troposphere crackled and whistled softly. The atmosphere boomed and hooted impetuously. The continents creaked with tension, tossing and turning on hard slabs. All together sounded strange, but mesmerizing. Mazukta listened and caught the voice of the noosphere - the thoughts, actions, conversations of people merged into one steady, incessant hum, as if someone was pouring sand on an iron roof.

Well ... pretty sweet, - agreed Mazukta. - How long have you been sitting like that?

Almost six thousand years, - answered Shambambukli, not taking his eyes off the universe. Mazukta whistled.

Yes-ah ... seriously. Would you like to go somewhere, take a walk?

Wait, "Shambambukli waved him off." It will stop now.

Who is "it"?

It. Universe. A couple more minutes and that's it.

Oh! - Mazukta perked up. - End of the World! What didn't you say right away? Come on, let me have a look too.

Watch your health, - Shambambukli moved slightly, giving Mazukta a better view. He looked closer and frowned.

Something I do not understand. And what will happen? The sun is in good order, there are no floods, even the volcanoes are silent. How are you going to destroy the world?

No way, ”Shambambukli shrugged his shoulders.“ Why destroy? Now the plant will end, and everything will stop by itself.

Will he just stop and that's it?

Interesting, - stretched Mazukta and again looked better. - And why people are so calm? As if nothing is planned?

And they do not know, - answered Shambambukli. - I did not inform them.

Well, you're just a beast! - Mazukta admired. - No, not just a beast, but a Beast! I didn't even expect from you ...

The world on the table clinked briefly and went out. Shambambukli sighed, took out a key from his pocket, inserted it somewhere into the depths of the universe and turned it around. The music of the spheres played again, and the wheels began to turn.

You… what is it? ”Mazukta blinked his eyes.

Nothing. The plant is over, don't you see?

I see. But why do you ...

Well, what do you not understand? - Shambambukli raised a tired look at his friend. - When the music ends, I start the box again. And let him play further.

And how many times have you turned her on? ”Mazukta narrowed his eyes.

Five minutes?!

Well, yes. The spring is weak, it is not enough for more.

Every five minutes - End of the World?

Yeah. So time is determined there.

Mazukta shook his head.

Six thousand years to sit and turn the key ... Shambambukli, and how long will you be doing all sorts of nonsense?

Until you get bored, - answered Shambambukli.

Shambambukli, have you ever been to court? ”Asked the demiurge Mazukta to the demiurge of Shambambukli.

And the Last Judgment?

Well ... a couple of times.

Fine. Then come along and help me.

Where? - just in case, the demiurge of Shambambukli was frightened.

We will judge. Democratically. And it somehow turns out ugly if there is an accuser, but there is no defender. So you will protect.

Wait, wait, - Shambambukli raised his hand, stopping Mazukta. - First, explain to me who and for what should be judged?

People, of course! ”Mazukta snorted.“ My agent network told me that people are making idols for themselves for nothing. And I forbade them, by the way!

Agent network ..?

Well, yes! You know, it helps a lot, for the greater omniscience. So, according to my agent, idolatry has reached a completely indecent flourishing, and it's time for me to intervene.

Who is he, this agent of yours ?!

Shambambukli, - said Mazukta reproachfully, - do you really think that I can easily tell someone outsider, even you, to reveal someone else's, carefully worked out legend?

Mmm ... no.

So don't ask such questions then.

Okay I will not. What is required of me?

To defend, - repeated Mazukta. - I will swear and throw lightning at people, and you - stand up with your chest to protect them and put forward reasonable arguments to pity me.

Okay, I'm ready. Where do we start?

Yes, at least from there, - Mazukta pointed his finger in the direction of the largest crowd of people. - They are just going to praise the idol - you see, they even wave their T-shirts over their heads?

Two hours later, the demiurges returned home. Mazukta was gloomy as a cloud, Shambambukli was in prostration.

Don't say anything! ”Mazukta raised his hand warningly.“ Wait. I myself.

He put his hands behind his back and began pacing nervously from corner to corner.

No, - finally said Mazukta. - This, of course, is awful, and vulgar, and in general ... But by and large, there is nothing to punish people for. If they had developed some tricky philosophical doctrine, or distorted my bright appearance, or at least found some decent civilian god for themselves - it’s not so! All these "tumts-tumts, three-pyryrym", well, what kind of competition is this for me? Not even serious ... Right? What do you say?

“Yants, tonz!” Shambambukli replied indistinctly, swaying from side to side and making strange passes with his hands.

What ?! ”Mazukta was taken aback.

Tyts, pyts, tank-tank ... Huh? Did you ask something? ”Shambambukli pulled the earpiece out of his ear and feigned attention.

No… nothing, ”Mazukta replied and sighed.

Shambambukli, where are you?

Demiurge Mazukta had been wandering through the thickets for an hour already, looking for his friend.

Invited, called ... a new world to see! Wildlife, you see! What have I not seen nature?

Mazukta pushed his way sideways through the thorny bushes and kicked the tiger that crept away.

And where is he? Why haven't you met? Shambambukli! Where are you-e-e?

The product heard a shout of welcome, and Mazukta hurried to the sound. When he, all in thorns and thorns, finally broke out into the clearing, the demiurge of Shambambukli greeted him with a happy smile.

Ah, Mazukta, hello! Look what I have here.

Mazukta came closer, unhooking the turnips as he walked.

And what have you got here?

Man! - Shambambukli declared proudly and demonstrated to Mazukta the man. - He did it himself!

So what? - Mazukta did not understand. - Man, and what next?

Just admire it! How smart!

With the gesture of a magician, he took Shambambukli from his pocket a living St. Bernard and put it on the grass in front of the man.

Who is this?

Af-af! - said the man.

Correctly! - Shambambukli was touched. - And this?

Oink-oink, guliguli, quack-quack! - identified the man as a pig, a pigeon and a duck.

Amazing abilities! - said Shambambukli. - He names all the animals. And straight to the point!

Grr! - the man pointed with his finger at the tiger that was tied up behind Mazukta. Mazukta kicked the tiger again and bent over the man.

Well, let's get acquainted, child prodigy, - he smiled affably and held out his hand to the man. The man parted his lips and prepared to roar.

Hey, what are you doing? - Mazukta was taken aback. - Frightened?

Do not be afraid, kid, - Shambambukli sat the man on his lap, where he immediately felt more confident. - Well, smile at your uncle. Say, "uncle"! Uncle is good.

Byaka! ”The man firmly declared, showed his tongue to Mazukta and turned away.

Mazukta silently straightened up to his full height and left without turning around.

She will not reach the sky, - said the demiurge Mazukta.

Not enough, - agreed the demiurge of Shambambukli.

Below them, people were busily carrying stones and making a tower out of them.

Are you going to interfere? ”Mazukta asked.

Not yet, - answered Shambambukli. - I think.

Well, think, think.

Mazukta threw a weighty meteorite into his palm, but did not throw it down, but put it aside.

A challenge is, of course, good, ”he said after a short silence.“ A challenge is noble. But on the other hand, who are you, and who are they? Not even serious. Completely different weight categories.

But it's still a challenge, ”said Shambambukli.

Yes, - agreed Mazukta. - Will you answer?

I don’t know, - muttered Shambambukli. - It would be necessary, of course ...

Or you can ignore it, - Mazukta suggested. - Anyway, they won't reach the sky. No matter how much they puffed up, they were weak.

It's right…

Imagine, they will finish building their tower to the end, and here is such a bummer. And they didn't reach the sky, and you didn't take them seriously. In my opinion, that would be the best answer. To know their place, and henceforth did not show off.

Uh-huh ... - Shambambukli thoughtfully scratched his chin. - Yes, if people get such a spit in the face, it will cool them down a lot. They will become meek, obedient ...

Disciplined, ”said Mazukta.

And it will turn out like with termites, - finished Shambambukli. - No, it won't.

Mazukta picked up the meteorite and helpfully held out to his friend:

So you will use it?

May be. Later.

Well, as you know, - Mazukta shrugged his shoulders. - Just go ahead, decide as soon as possible, they have only two floors left.

And the sky is still far away, "muttered Shambambukli." They won't get it.

Never mind, - confirmed Mazukta.

Shambambukli sighed and lowered the sky below.

The demiurge of Shambambukli looked at the heap of letters on the table of the demiurge of Mazukta with a respectful glance.

What's this? Business correspondence?

Not really. Look if you like.

"Glory to Mazukta, Kind And Merciful, By Whose Word The Pestilence Stopped!"

Well and what is it?

Praise, ”Mazukta explained eagerly.“ People praise me well-deserved praise for my good deeds. Do you want to read? ”He asked hopefully.

Shambambukli took several letters from the pile.

Wow! - his eyebrows crept up respectfully. - What are you with us, however! You give rain after three years of drought, you ward off the invasion of locusts, you stop floods and hurricanes ... Hmmm ... - Shambambukli rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

Yes, I’m stopping! ”Mazukta said defiantly.“ I’m stopping! And I give it rain! And there is no need to look at me with such skepticism, the letters are real, that's how it was. Or do you think I wrote them myself?

No, what are you ...

Do you think Mazukta is not capable of a disinterested good deed? So you think so?

No, of course, - the demiurge of Shambambukli smiled peacefully. - You are capable of anything, who argues. I just suddenly wondered, where did all these hurricanes, droughts and pestilences come from?

How the flesh was perverted.

The sun was shining, the ocean was rustling. The demiurges Mazukta and Shambambukli were lying on the beach in the same swimming trunks and enjoying peace.

Class! - said the demiurge of Shambambukli and rolled over on his stomach. - Thank you for pulling it out.

Not at all, - smiled Mazukta. - You should have been to nature long ago, otherwise you are sitting like a stump in four walls. And so even though you bathed, sunbathed ... Would you like some beer?

Is there ..? - Mazukta pulled up a voluminous bag and looked inside. - There is also there. Eggs, sandwiches?

I asked, is there still beer?

Oh, of course! I took with a margin.

Mazukta took out two bottles, handed one to Shambambukli, uncorked the other and sucked himself.

About the weekend - you thought of it well, - he said after a long gurgling. - I'll have to borrow the idea. All day - no work, lie to yourself, rest ...

Actually, I was planning to devote the weekend to self-improvement, - said Shambambukli.

So improve, - Mazukta stretched with a crunch and scratched his stomach. - Sunbathe.

For some time the demiurges lay in silence, basking in the sun.

What time is it? ”Asked Shambambukli without opening his eyes.

Half past five, - Mazukta answered confidently, also not opening his eyes.

It's time to go home soon.

Where are you in a hurry?

My canary is not fed. That is, it is not started.

Nothing will be done to her.

Well, after all ...

Mazukta sighed and opened his eyelids.

Okay, let's dive in one more time, and let's go.

Aha ... - Shambambukli nodded. - Let's plunge. Now, wait a minute, I'll lie down a little more.

Well, lie down.

Mazukta reached into his bag again, took out a package of groceries and rustled paper. Shambambukli reached out his hand without looking, and Mazukta put a ham sandwich in it.

You also said something about eggs, - reminded Shambambukli.

Do not be impudent, - said Mazukta. - Sit down and eat.

Maybe I should also wash my hands?

If you want.

Shambambukli took a sitting position with a heavy groan.

Mazukta! You are truly a vicious despotic deity.

Aha, - Mazukta agreed willingly. - I have a lot of shortcomings. Here, take it, - he held out a bag of boiled eggs. - Clean it yourself.

For about five minutes the demiurges chewed in silence.

Tasty, - said Shambambukli, actively working with his jaws. - Why are the eggs so large? Goose?

M-no, - Mazukta shook his head negatively.

Turkey?

Her, Archeopteryx.

Hmm? ”Shambambukli raised an eyebrow inquiringly, chewing.

Well, you know, such a toothy creature, a cross between a raven and a crocodile.

Shambambukli froze with his mouth full and stared at the bitten egg in his hand. After swallowing a bite with an effort, he asked carefully:

And who was the ham?

From brachiosaurus. Also an interesting hybrid, a giraffe with an iguana. And there is also something from the hippopotamus, but not much. By itself, he is nothing special, the animal is bad and not even cute, but it tastes ... mmm!

Shambambukli resolutely laid the half-eaten breakfast on the sand.

Yes, ”he said dryly.“ It was delicious. Did you do it yourself?

Who, brachiosaurus? Well what are you! I don’t do that kind of thing. All these experiments on selection, hybridization ... Fumbling with test tubes, tissue samples, preparations ... what an abomination! I have placed only basic models here: crows, iguanas, crocodiles - and then they are already on their own.

Who are "they"?

People, who else! Actually, I put the codes on the source beforehand so that nothing like this happened, but you know people! They hacked it anyway.

Hacked? Genetic code?!

They will crack anyone, just give me time. But they know, by the way, that this is a court case! Although, it should be noted, some of the results they have turned out to be very interesting ... yes, it will have to be adopted. For example, a platypus ...

Mazukta, - interrupted Shambambukli. - My canary is not fed. Let's pack up and let's go.

Okay, okay, - Mazukta got up from the sand, picked up his bag and put a towel in it. - Let's go.

And clean up after yourself? ”Shambambukli frowned.

Well, all these cans, bottles, stubs ... It's ugly. What will be left after us?

After us? - Mazukta laughed. - Yes, even the Flood!

They agreed! - groaned demiurge Mazukta. - This cannot be explained by a simple coincidence, this is a world conspiracy, I know!

What's the matter? - asked the demiurge of Shambambukli.

Here, read, - Mazukta threw him a thick stack of letters. - A million wishes. Random selection.

It's funny for you, isn't it? - Mazukta was indignant. - And by the way, I have to perform all this, according to the established order. There are a million miracles every day, you know.

I know, ”Shambambukli nodded, covering his mouth with his palm.

Yes, of course, among a million desires, sometimes there are stupid ... they are almost all stupid, if you look at it. But they are different! And here, you saw, every third asks for the same thing! With slight variations. This is not a conspiracy, is it?

Conspiracy, of course, ”Shambambukli agreed, grinning widely.

And now I owe everyone ... no, just imagine - everyone! ...

I can imagine, - Shambambukli could not resist and snorted again.

I knew that I would not meet your sympathy, - Mazukta took offense. - And how do you think I will look, running through the frost with this stupid sack? And even on the rooftops!

Wonderful, - Shambambukli assured him. - The red color suits you very much. Just put on a beard if you don't want to be recognized.

Demiurge Shambambukli was sitting in the living room of the demiurge Mazukta and admiring the collection of weapons on the wall.

And I remember that dull sword, "he said." It all started with him, right?

Uh-huh, - Mazukta nodded.

Now it's even funny ... But then it seemed a formidable weapon.

It only seemed to us.

Well, yes. And the crossbow is also from there?

Captured. They shot me in the leg.

Yes I remember. You swore terribly then.

Then I swore and worse.

Yeah, when the enemies put you on the peak ... By the way, where is she, I don't see here?

I left the pike, - Mazukta said dryly. - There.

Well, you know better, of course. Otherwise it would be something to remember.

I remember, thanks, - said Mazukta even drier.

And I remember, - Shambambukli dreamily closed his eyes. - Adventures, exploits, free life in the fresh air. Dragons, again ... Do you remember our first dragon?

No, I'm sorry. While you fought with him, I lay on the sidelines and waited for me to be collected in a scoop and conduct the rite of resurrection.

You missed a lot, - Shambambukli shook his head sympathetically. - But all is not lost yet. You can always go back and go over again.

Thank you, but somehow without me, ”Mazukta answered coldly.

What are you? It was great! Let's repeat?

No. And let's leave this topic.

It's a pity, - sighed Shambambukli. - I liked it.

If you want, go alone, - Mazukta shrugged his shoulders. - Perform your feats, but I have other preferences. Not everyone should be heroes, someone has to kick the penguins.

Demiurge Mazukta threw an apple in his palm, turned it around, looking from different sides, and said thoughtfully:

People think their souls are like apples.

What do you mean? - the demiurge of Shambambukli became interested.

More precisely, halves, - Mazukta corrected himself. - That's about how.

He carefully cut the apple in two and laid it on the table.

They have such a belief that there is a perfect match for every person. It seems that, before sending souls into the world, I cut them in half, into male and female halves. Like an apple. So these halves wander, looking for each other.

And find?

Ha! - snorted Mazukta. - Shambambukli, how do you imagine it? What is the likelihood of such a meeting? Do you know how many people there are in the world?

That's it. And besides ... well, they will find each other, so what next? Do you think they will make a whole apple and live in peace and harmony?

Well, yes. Isn't that so? - Shambambukli was surprised.

No not like this.

Mazukta took half an apple in his hands and raised them to his face.

Here are two fresh, delicious souls descending into the world. What does the world do with human souls?

Mazukta bite off one half with a crunch.

The world, he went on with his mouth full, is not static. And cruel. He grinds everything for himself. One way or another. Cuts off piece by piece, or bites off, or even grinds into baby puree.

He took a bite of the other half and was silent for a while, chewing. Shambambukli stared at the two stubs and swallowed nervously.

And so, - Mazukta solemnly proclaimed, - they are meeting! Tram-tararam-pam-pam! - he joined the bitten halves. - And what, they fit together? Hell no!

Mazukta, - asked Shambambukli cautiously. - Why are you telling me this?

Yes, to nothing. So, I wanted to talk. And what?

No, nothing ... I thought ...

Now look here, "Mazukta interrupted and took a few more apples." We cut each in half, put two halves of different apples at random - and what do we see?

They do not fit, - Shambambukli nodded. - Mazukta, I wanted to ask ...

Then you will ask, - Mazukta dismissed. - Look further.

Putting two different halves together, he bit on one side and on the other and demonstrated the result.

Well, what do we see? Do they pair now?

Yes-ah, - Shambambukli nodded thoughtfully. - Now they match perfectly.

Because the world did not bite them one by one, but together. Is the analogy clear?

Now ask what you wanted.

Nothing, now there is no need to ask. I just wondered why you started this conversation, and what if you have any problems in your family life?

With me? - Mazukta laughed. - No, what are you ... I'm fine. A wonderful wife (yes, you know her), wonderful children ... My daughter is a spitting-out mother, so calm, caring. Loves flowers. I gave her a kindergarten, so she plants something there all day, weeds ... A very detailed child. Sons are also growing up. They are completely different. One boat starts up, dreams of becoming a sailor. I am calm for him. And the other is wandering around the basements more and more, and his company is suspicious. Always gloomy, never smiles. On the walls I hung pictures with ugly skulls, I was all in chains ... Well, nothing, this is teenage, it will pass. But the youngest worries me ...

Mazukta furrowed his eyebrows.

Too serious, he explained. Not for his years. And his games are strange. Found somewhere a rusty sickle, sits sharpening, and somehow looks at me badly. I don't like it ...

Mazukta, look what kind of world I have finished! ”Said the demiurge of Shambambukli.

Come on, come on, - the demiurge Mazukta came closer and began to look at the world.

What do you say? ”Asked Shambambukli cautiously.

Mazukta walked around the universe, thoughtfully scratched his chin and chuckled.

Well what can I say ... Glamorous.

Glamorous, - repeated Mazukta. - Even, perhaps, cute. Hmm ... kawaii.

Are you serious?

Mazukta nodded.

Shambambukli sighed, disassembled the universe and began to remake it anew.

What are you doing? - asked the demiurge Mazukta the demiurge of Shambambukli.

I write the commandments, - answered Shambambukli. - Do you remember how you advised me.

I advised? - Mazukta was sincerely surprised.

Well, yes, - confirmed Shambambukli. - You yourself said that people should be given clear and unambiguous guidelines. So that there are no discrepancies.

And, yes, yes, I remember, - Mazukta nodded. - It was like that, really. So what?

Here, - Shambambukli pointed to a stack of ready-made tablets, - I am making a detailed algorithm. I've already written half of it, I'll finish soon.

Mazukta counted the stone sheets and whistled thoughtfully.

A bit too much.

Well, I tried, ”Shambambukli looked down modestly.

Mazukta took the top tablet from the pile and began to read aloud:

- "A person should not harm another person or by his inaction allow harm to be done to another person, except in those cases ..." - he snorted and put the tablet back in place. - Shambambukli!

Demiurge Mazukta found his friend the demiurge Shambambukli at work: he was squatting in the middle of a cornfield and diligently blessing each cornfield.
“Are you very busy?” Mazukta asked.
-Do you have something important?
- No, I just decided to visit.
-Then wait, I am now.
Mazukta stepped aside, plucked a few ears, peeled them off and began to slowly nibble on the soft grains. The calculation turned out to be correct: the third and last ear had ended just by the moment when Shambambukli finished his work and came up to greet his friend.
“Who lives here?” Mazukta asked, nodding casually at the farmhouse near the field.
- People, of course, - answered Shambambukli. - Husband, wife, three children. And what?
-Is he your Job?
-How-how? ..- Shambambukli was taken aback .- Who?
-Job, - repeated Mazukta patiently. - Each demiurge has his own Job. It's him?
“His name is not at all like that,” Shambambukli said in confusion. Mazukta snorted in response.
-Shambamboo! Job is not a proper name. It's not even a household name. Job is a profession. Well, kind of a scapegoat.
-Who is the "scapegoat"?
-It is ... uh ... It doesn't matter. We're not talking about him now. Job is such a special person whom you seem to favor at first, and then again!
-What "time" ?!
-Well, something bad. Some dirty trick.
-What for?
-What do you mean, why ?! He's Job! His job is to take the blows of fate from you!
“I don’t understand,” Shambambukli confessed, shaking his head. “Explain again.
- Okay. - Mazukta exhaled with a noise and was silent for a few seconds. - I'll try. When I saw that you were working on someone else's field, I immediately thought: "This is no accident! Probably, the owner of the field is his Job."
“But who is this Job ?!” interrupted Shambambukli. “Why is he needed at all?
“For an educational example!” Mazukta said instructively. And here you go out and put him in his place: it’s not your own mind, they say, it’s business, who and for what I punish, and to whom I give what. I gave, I took, and you yourself are a toy in my hands. And other people then read this story and draw their own conclusions. And when the bumps begin to fall on them themselves, they no longer grumble. It is clear now?
-No.
-What do you not understand?
-Why should bumps fall on people? If I only wish them well?
- Well, you never know! - Mazukta shrugged his shoulders. - Maybe you want to have some fun ...
- Have some fun? ..
-Well, yes. Or you suddenly grow cold towards them ... Let's say you get tired of messing around ...
- Will you get bored ?! - Shambambukli was horrified.
- Well, this is me for an example, - Mazukta dismissed. - It doesn't matter. There are different circumstances. And here people remember about Job, who was much worse - and it immediately becomes easier for them to live.
“Then maybe I'll tell them about your Job?” Asked Shambambukli cautiously.
Mazukta pondered. Then he sighed and shook his head.
-No, it won't. They won't believe mine. You and I ... let's just say, different methods. You'll have to start your own. Yes, at least this one, - he nodded again at the farmhouse. - Let's torture him?
- Or maybe not? - asked Shambambukli. - I like him.
-What is it, I wonder?
- Well ... he has the right approach to life. He never gives up.
“Ha!” Snorted Mazukta. “Why would he let them down when everything is going great? But now we will throw trouble for him, he will begin to grumble vividly!
-Will not start. You do not know him.
-And you don't know me! Watch and learn.
Mazukta snapped his fingers, and a swarm of locusts descended on the field.
-Well? What will the person say to this?
- He said crop failure.
-Okay. Look further.
The farmer's barn flared up like a torch, and all supplies were burned to ashes.
-Well, what now?
-He builds a new barn and renews supplies.
Mazukta frowned, and the second barn burned down like the first.
-Man dug a cellar, - said Shambambukli.
-So yes..? Well, okay!
Mazukta rolled up his sleeves and brought down new misfortunes on the man: the cow died, the horse was driven away, the barn collapsed, the field was flooded with floods, the house along with all the property was carried away into the river. The man thought hard. I dug a dugout, borrowed a horse from a neighbor, got a job as a farm laborer; the wife began to give lessons in home economics, and the eldest son went to graze geese.
-He will start to grumble soon ?!
- He will not start, - assured Shambambukli. - Such a person.
-But let's see what kind of person he is!
The hurricane scattered the dugout and carried away the entire family of the farmer.
-Well?..
- He went looking for them.
-Then let us give him irrefutable evidence of their death!
-He got a job as a laborer in the city.
-Ah well?! Let there be an accident at the factory and have his arm torn off! Will he earn a lot then? ..
-He became a stoker.
-And not drunk?
-Not yet.
-Well, good! And now both legs will be taken away from him ...
-He started writing short stories. And he does the exercises to start walking again.
-What is it? Then paralysis! Full!
-He dictates his new romance to the nurse.
-And then ...
-Mazukta!
-What?
- He has nothing more to take away.
-How-nothing? Speech, reason ...
-Do not be stupid. Return everything as it was.
Mazukta whistled through his gritted teeth, counted to ten, and waved his hand wearily.
-Okay. He recovered, found his family, won a million in the lottery, bought an artificial limb and a new farm. Satisfied?
- Yeah, - Shambambukli nodded. - Now you understand why I like this person so much?
-Yes, but still, why didn't he get bitter? Didn't you become indignant?
- I told you, he was brought up like that. He has the right approach to life.
-Yes, spit! Whatever the approach, but the person must in the end grumble if the demiurge constantly arranges nasty things for him!
-Ah, this is ...- Shambambukli hesitated .- I forgot to tell you. He could not murmur at his demiurge in any way. You see, this man doesn't believe in me ...

The demiurges Mazukta and Shambambukli sat in purgatory and sorted out human souls. They took them out one at a time from a large basket and put them in small piles.
- Good harvest, - Mazukta remarked enough. - One to one!
- Well, not really, - objected Shambambukli, looking at another soul. - Look, how small.
He brushed off the order and medals from the soul and threw them into one of the common heaps.
- Strange somehow, - he muttered, frowning. - Where did he get so much?
- What are you talking about? - Mazukta did not understand.
-Yes, it turns out interesting. All people, in general, are about the same. A little worse, a little better, but in general they do not differ much. And they also live about the same, for some it is a little easier, for some it is more difficult, but not much. But sometimes there are great people with a great soul - and for some reason they always have a problem on a problem! At every step they get hit on the forehead from life! On the other hand, every lousy little thing that doesn't seem to be supposed to get from life all the blessings and worries does not know. Why is that?
“Well, you ask questions!” Mazukta laughed. “Do you think this world was created for the sake of great people? Well, yes, there are geniuses and saints in him, but they do not make up the bulk of the population! They are exceptions to the rule, and the world is designed for an average person, of which the vast majority. Everything for their convenience ... well, or almost everything.
-Is it like with right-handers and left-handers? - guessed Shambambukli.
- Yes, approximately, - Mazukta nodded. - Technique, tools, even door handles - everything is adapted for the right hand, and left-handers have to adapt themselves. Here are the saints - like the same left-handers. They do not fit into the picture of the world, they are uncomfortable here. Understand?
-Understand.
-The rules are created for average people. Average height, average weight, average income. Take, for example, such a thing as a regular door. Most people walk through any door without any problems, bending their heads slightly at the most. And a person of great stature (as well as a great soul) either gets constantly on the forehead, or learns to bow. And as for the various, as you say, small bastards, they do walk wherever they want, and, if necessary, they will squeeze under the closed door, and they will crawl through the keyhole. And even in ordinary doors, which are for everyone, they pass in a line, and even sometimes on other people's shoulders.
Mazukta scratched his chin and continued:
- Sooner or later, any genius or saint gets tired of banging his head against the lintel all the time. Some begin to bow automatically, in front of every door. Some give up and go down on all fours - then it is very likely that someone jumps on top of them. This is normal, a common struggle for existence. That is life.
-And there is no hope for geniuses?
“There is hope,” Mazukta admitted reluctantly. “Sometimes it happens. Occasionally, maybe once in a generation, there is a person who will bang his head against the jamb all his life until he breaks it. And after him it is already easier for another genius to pass through this door.

Tales from the Unkind Storyteller bormor

Creator, - the man turned to the demiurge of Shambambukli, - you will not believe, but I came with a claim.
- Well, why, I believe, - the demiurge hastened to calm down. - And what, in fact, is the matter?
“I was struck by lightning,” the man complained.
-Death? - asked Shambambukli.
- Yeah, - the man nodded. - So, it was unfair!
-Can not be!
- I told you that you would not believe ... - the man sighed.
-So, let's go in order. How did this happen to you and what is the injustice?

- I was just walking in the meadow, - said the man. - And then suddenly it rained. Or rather, even a thunderstorm. I didn't want to get wet, so I hid under a tree. And then I don't remember anything, only a flash and a blow, I didn't even have time to get scared ... That, in fact, that's all.
“Well, where is the injustice here?” Asked Shambambukli.
- Why did this happen to me ?! Why did you only punish me? Yes, I know that I did wrong, I broke your commandment ...
“This is not a commandment,” Shambambukli interrupted him gently. “It was just a friendly advice not to stand under a tree during a thunderstorm, otherwise lightning will strike. He took care of your welfare, by the way.
-But the lightning struck me! Not someone else, not everyone who broke the covenant ...
“Not a covenant, but advice,” Shambambukli corrected again.
-Well, well, not everyone who disregarded your advice, not even every second, but selectively, specifically me! One of all! What have I done wrong in front of you? You felt sorry for the rest, but me ...
- I feel sorry for you too, - the demiurge zoveried the man. - But you yourself are to blame, I have nothing to do with it. I don't punish anyone.
- Well, yes, "it has nothing to do with it"! - the man did not believe. - The lightning is yours.
- Yes, mine, - the demiurge responded with dignity. - Like the whole world, by the way. I assembled it with my own hands, and I know perfectly well how everything works in it. So I shared this valuable information with you, so that you, too, understand a little what's what. And they did not do deliberately stupid things!
“But everyone does this!” The man objected. “And nothing terrible happens to anyone.
- Of course, - Shambambukli nodded solidly. - I would be good if I had not taken care of several levels of protection! But sometimes, you know, troubles do happen. This is why there is such a thing as safety rules.
-What?
-Togo! Did you have a meat grinder at home?
-Well, there was ...
- Did you stick your fingers into it?
-What am I, a nutcase, or what?
-Why is it necessarily crazy? Thousands of people pop and nothing happens to them. Although, in theory, this should not be done.
-So what?
-Do you think this world is less complicated or less dangerous than a meat grinder? Do you know how many parts there are?
The man thought about it.
-Do not know. A lot, I guess.
“You can't even imagine how many!” Shambambukli said confidentially. “You don't even have such numbers. The world ... well, it's a pretty complicated thing.
Shambambukli rubbed the bridge of his nose with his fingers and continued a little embarrassedly:
-It's quite difficult even for me. I, in any case, could not make it an absolutely safe place. I suspect that no one can do this, because you can't foresee everything. But I, like any creator, am responsible for my product. You, people, use it all your life, it will be embarrassing if someone is suddenly shocked, or your fingers are chopped off. That is why I gave you a detailed instruction manual. Moreover, I tried to express it in the most accessible language, so that the children would understand ...
-Aha, - the man snorted, - I read this your "manual". Good fairy tale for children! There are such turns of speech that the professors for twenty years figure out what you actually wanted to say.
“Well, yes, I’m not a very good writer,” Shambambukli admitted embarrassedly. “I’m not a humanist, I’m rather a craftsman. But at least the basic rules for using the world are set out clearly, without ambiguity. "Do not play with fire, you can burn yourself", "do not stick your fingers in the socket", "do not wake up the sleeping dog", "do not eat any nasty things" and so on. Anyone who neglects this advice should be aware that he is taking great risks. But I honestly warned him about the consequences. If the manual says "do not wash down the herring with milk", but someone does wash it down, then most likely they will carry it. Although, perhaps, and ... well, yes, it will. Games with fire do not always end in fire, but such an opportunity should not be neglected either.
The man thought about it.
- That is, you yourself are not punishing anyone? Are these all blind forces of nature?
- Well, in general, yes.
-And you yourself never interfere with the natural course of events?
- Very rarely, - assured Shambambukli. - I provide technical support, preventive repairs and so on. I told you that I am responsible for my product!
- But what about the coming End of the World? - the man did not give up. - When six thousand years have passed, the world will be destroyed and humanity will appear before you at the Last Judgment - then you, too, are not going to execute and pardon anyone?
- What kind of passions are you talking about? - Shambambukli was surprised. - Why should I destroy your world? Do you have any idea how much work I put into it? It's just that after six thousand years the warranty period will expire, and all responsibility for the fate of the world will fall on you. For some, this is, of course, the real End of the World. But I hope that by that time you will finally master the simple science of dealing with the universe, so that nothing terrible will happen. I do not take gifts back. This world is yours, live your health.
-Wait a minute! What do you mean "live" ?! But you said that the righteous will go to a better world, the world to come!
“And I don’t give up my words,” Shambambukli shrugged his shoulders. “However, I will not drag anyone. Who wants to - let him move, I do not mind. You know, every time I get better and better worlds. The future is almost ready, and he, believe me, will give your one hundred points ahead even now! Just a little bit left. But, of course, I would not like to let in any ignorant people who treated the previous model very badly and never learned even the elementary rules of behavior in the world. It will be a shame if they spoil the next one. So it is quite possible that there will indeed be some dropouts.
“And what will happen to those who do not pass it?” The man asked sarcastically.
Demiurge Shambambukli with a wide gesture circled the boundaries of the universe in front of the man.
- As I said, I don’t take my gifts back. Those who are not ready to live in a new, brand new world will have to be content with the old one. And you know, if they continue to disregard the advice of the manufacturer, their house can very quickly become a damn uncomfortable place.

I'm not happy with you, - said the demiurge of Shambambukli to the man. - You are greedy.
- Well, hello, again, great! - the man was indignant. - Again, some nagging! What's wrong now?
- I ordered to share, - reminded the demiurge. - In a brotherly way. So that no one was offended. And you?

-And what am I? - the man shrugged his shoulders. - The world is so arranged that in it one falls a lot, and to others it is insulting a little. This is normal, it is in the nature of things. If you wanted it to be different, then you would arrange everything differently, would come up with some effective mechanism for the redistribution of benefits.
- I invented it, - the demiurge nodded. - And even implemented it. Conscience is called.
-Well, this is not serious, the man waved away.
Demiurge Shambambukli squatted down and looked the man in the eye.
- You yourself were once poor. You have already felt on your own skin what hunger, cold and hopelessness are. Have you forgotten everything?
“Yes, I remember,” the man winced.
“And what did you tell me then?” The demiurge continued to pry.
“I said,” the man said reluctantly, “that the lack of funds does not allow me to fully show my generosity and mercy. You told me to love your neighbors as yourself. And not more than yourself! And if I have only one tattered pants, I cannot give them to my neighbor - after all, then he will have pants, and I will not, and it will be too much. If I give the only rotten cake, my neighbor will eat enough, but I will remain hungry, and again it will turn out that I loved him to the detriment of myself, more than myself, contrary to your commandment. Not fair! And then you promised to think about it and settle this issue ...
-And settled it, - the demiurge harshly rapped out .- Now you have a whole suitcase for new pants, a full buffet of all kinds of food and a million in your bank account. What is stopping you from sharing with your neighbor now?
“Nothing has changed!” The man exclaimed. “I have only one suitcase of things, one buffet with food, and my million, like that cake, is also one-disconnected! How can I tear off my only one and give it to strangers ?!
- Excuses, excuses, - the demiurge grimaced.
“Well, what did you think?” The man chuckled. “If I once found legal grounds not to share a dirty rag and dry crust with anyone, then really now I won’t come up with an excuse to leave behind a million?

Dad, huh, dad?
- Well, what do you want? - the demiurge turned to the man.
-Dad, look how beautiful the fruits are. I found it myself!
-Yes, wonderful fruits, - the demiurge absentmindedly nodded and returned to the interrupted work.
-Dad? Well, pa-a-ap!
-What else?

-Dad, can you eat them?
-What? Oh, well, yes. Eat to your health.
The man ran away. Demiurge thoughtfully poked with a screwdriver at some important detail of the universe.
-Pa-ap!
Demiurge flinched and dropped the screwdriver.
-What now?
-Dad, can I give a woman a try too?
-Yes. Bon Appetit.
-Dad?
-Well, what do you want ?!
-Do you want me to pick for you too?
-Yes, do what you want! Leave me alone, you see, I'm busy!
Demiurge picked up a screwdriver and carefully pried the fragile tongue under the base of the world. The man touched his shoulder.
-Pa-ap, but I figured out what to call this tree! Apple tree! Isn't that great?
- * Beeep *! - growled the demiurge.
-In what sense * beeeip *? - the man was taken aback. - And, you mean, that I went to be fruitful and multiply?
“Yes,” the demiurge nodded shortly after a moment's silence. “That's right. Go ... and multiply.
The man left, the demiurge replaced the damaged part and took the adjustable wrench in his hands.
-Dad?
Demiurge slowly and carefully tied the key in a knot, put it aside, took a deep breath and turned to the man.
-Yes, son? I'm listening to.
-Dad, and the snake says that it's too weak for me to eat three kilos of apples, but I say that it's not weak, and the woman doesn't believe me either, and I've already eaten even more, and they say no, but I don't want to anymore, and they laugh, and still I won, dad, tell them!
- * Beeep *! - said the demiurge.
- What, again? - the man was surprised.
-Yes. Go on.
-Well, I actually ...
- Weak, huh? - the demiurge squinted.
- And not weak at all! - the man was offended. Or even three times!
-Go, go.
Demiurge again took up creation. I found some dangling wiring, cleaned the terminals, reached for a soldering iron ...
-Pa-a-ap!
The man tugged at the demiurge's elbow.
-Dad, and I also picked an apple, and it is wormy. Dad, can you eat it?
-It is impossible! - the demiurge barked.
-Truth? I thought so too. Therefore, I plucked another and ate ...
-VON !!! - shouted the demiurge.
-What..?
-Go away! Go away, back off! Begone! Leave me alone! Get out of here!
-Oh, okay, okay, I already understood ...- the man backed away in fright .- That's it, consider me not here anymore ... uh ... all the best.
--------------
At the exit from paradise, the man shook his head in sorrow and said, addressing the woman:
-That's it, world justice! And most importantly, because of what? For one lousy apple! ..

Explain to me, - said the demiurge of Shambambukli to the man, - well, why did you leave the music school? After all, you could have made a great musician!
-And so great? - the man doubted.
“The best of the best,” the demiurge assured. “The abilities that I put into you were an order of magnitude higher than that of any other composer. Remember, at the age of five you composed your first symphony - and what a symphony!

- Good, - the man admitted. - I will not argue. And it came to me easily, even too easy. Not interested.
-Not interesting, you say? OK then. And who was then the winner of all mathematical and physics Olympiads?
-I AM. Well, someone has to uphold the honor of the school. And I have abilities ...
-That's it! I gave you a phenomenal ability in the exact sciences. Why didn't you develop them further?
-Yes well ... Exact sciences, it's so boring.
-Well, I would go in for sports. No one else had such physical data as you! I tried so hard, made you strong and dexterous, you could become a star of the first magnitude, a world champion ...
-Yes, it’s this sport. Expose yourself to the amusement of the townsfolk? Thank you humbly.
-OK then. And what about the gift of writing? What about acting? And what about your talent as a strategist? I have endowed you with so many gifts, why did you not use any of them? And he became - no, just think - a sculptor! After all, you do not have the slightest predisposition to this! Your ability in this area is minimal, and the sculptures are terrible! Why go against your nature and persist in doing what you are not given?
-What to do, - the man threw up his hands, - you gave me a bunch of talents that I absolutely do not need. Well, I don’t like music and sports, and I don’t care about physics. My only love is sculpture. And that I have no abilities for her ... well, I don’t care, I’m not the only one in the world, there are even worse ones, you know yourself. But I do what I love.

Hello, - said the demiurge of Shambambukli.
“Who are you?” The man asked.
-I am your demiurge.
The man rose to his feet and looked around the demiurge's waiting room.
“It can't be,” he said. “Why am I here?
-Because you died, probably, - suggested Shambambukli.
- Impossible, - the man shook his head. - I could not get here in any way.
- Why? - Shambambukli was surprised.
-Because during my lifetime I did not believe in you. Atheists do not enter the kingdom of heaven!

-Who told you that?
- Priest, of course. He knows better.
“A strange statement,” Shambambukli shrugged his shoulders. “By this logic, it turns out that if you don’t believe in rain, you’ll never get wet?”
-So the priest was wrong ...
- Not necessarily, - stood up for the priest of Shambambukli. - Maybe he just decided to joke.
- Well, where am I going now? - asked the man. - To hell, I suppose?
-Hell? - Shambambukli interestedly inclined his head to one side. - And what is it?
“A terrible place,” the man said, “especially for sinners. They are tortured there. They whip with nettles, tickle them with a feather in their noses and make them learn ancient languages. And all of this is happening at the same time.
- What a nightmare! - Shambambukli was horrified. - But whoever told you this, he also joked. And you believed.
- That is, what happens? - the man was surprised. - I won't get anything?
-For what?
-For the fact that I did not believe that our world was created by a demiurge! This whole vast, incomprehensible world, in all its diversity, with all people and animals, with myriads of stars, with raindrops, night fireflies and morning dew - was someone created? How can it be?! I mean ... I'm sorry, of course, but ...
- It's okay, - Shambambukli put his hand on the shoulder of the person with a smile. - I myself sometimes can't believe it.

The man entered the office of the demiurge of Shambambukli and wearily sat down on a chair.
- Uff! - he gasped. - Well, you did it this time, the creator!
- What? - Shambambukli started. - What else is wrong?
-Yes, look for yourself, - the man handed the demiurge a journal of his life. - See? Right here, here and ..., ”he turned the page,“ right here?

I have done good deeds, but where is the reward? Or, look here - is such a severe punishment for such a minor offense adequate? In my opinion, no.
- In my opinion, too, - agreed Shambambukli. - Yes, for some reason I'm really here ...
- We look further, - the man continued. - Here are my wives and mistresses, here are my children. Seven boys, one girl. And my neighbor has four girls, and no boys at all. Is this called "even distribution"?
- Strange, it should have turned out roughly equal, - Shambambukli was surprised. - I'll check ...
- Check it out. And there is also a discrepancy with growth. No, until forty everything was in order, and then the parameters, instead of increasing, began to decrease. Strength, health, endurance ... But when it hit seventy, and the intellect went to zero. How to live further? By the way, listen, seventy is not enough! Raise the bar to at least one hundred and forty, otherwise people will start leaving in droves - it becomes uninteresting after seventy.
“Okay, I'll think of something,” muttered Shambambukli.
- Or, - the man continued sternly, - in two weeks I translated a total of four hundred times different - mind you, different! - old women across the road. I should have received the honorary prefix "Translator of Old Women" to my name, but what did they actually call me? Don't blush, answer!
- Yes, it turned out awkward, - Shambambukli turned away embarrassedly. - Sorry.
“And that's not all!” The man exclaimed. “Where is the promised halo? It is due to me according to the totality of perfect good deeds! Where is the bonus for dexterity, to the salary? At the age of six, I ate oatmeal for a whole month before the new year in order to get a fire engine - where is it? Why did the learning stage last for twelve fucking years? Why finally didn't my hamster want to breed in captivity?
- I understood, I understood! - Shambambukli waved his hands. - I will correct everything, honestly! In the very near future.
- Here, here is a complete list of errors noticed, - the man opened the magazine towards the end and pointed his finger. - Eight pages, with details, as expected. What, where, when, under what circumstances - in general, you will figure it out.
- Thank you, - the demiurge nodded. - You helped me a lot. Do you want to take a break?
-Yes, forty-fifty days, if possible.
- Okay, so I'm waiting for you at the end of next month, - Shambambukli made a note in his notebook. - You will be reborn as a girl, check everything again, and then you will have to deal with the cats, so do not delay. It will be a shame if we don't meet the release deadline due to some stupid flaws.

Am I dead yet? ”The man asked.
- Yeah, - the demiurge of Shambambukli nodded, not looking up from studying a thick impressive book. - He died. Undoubtedly.
The man shifted uncertainly from foot to foot.
-What now?
Demiurge gave him a quick glance and buried himself in the book again.
-Now you go there, - he pointed his finger at an inconspicuous door without looking. - Or there, - his finger turned towards another, exactly the same, door.
-What is there? - asked the man.
-Hell, - answered Shambambukli. - Or paradise. According to circumstances.
The man stood indecisively, looking from one door to another.
-Ah ... and which one for me?

-Do not you know yourself? - the demiurge slightly raised an eyebrow.
- Well, - the man hesitated. - You never know. Where I am supposed to, according to my deeds ...
-Hm! - Shambambukli laid the book with his finger and finally looked directly at the person. - By deeds, then?
-Well, yes, but what else?
- Well, good, good, - Shambambukli opened the book closer to the beginning and began to read it aloud. - It is written here that at the age of twelve you transferred the old woman across the road. It was so?
- It was, - the man nodded.
-Is this a good deed or a bad deed?
-Kind, of course!
-Now we will see ...- Shambambukli turned the page, - five minutes later this old woman on another street was run over by a tram. If you had not helped her, they would have missed each other, and the old woman would have lived for another ten years. Well, how?
The man blinked in shock.
-Or, - Shambambukli opened the book in another place. - At the age of twenty-three, you and a group of comrades participated in the brutal beating of another group of comrades.
“They were the first to climb!” The man threw up his head.
- I have it written differently, - objected the demiurge. - And, by the way, the state of alcoholic intoxication is not a softening factor. In general, you broke two fingers and a nose for no reason. Is this good or bad?
The man said nothing.
-After that, the guy could no longer play the violin, but he showed great promise. You ruined his career.
-I accidentally, - muttered the man.
“Of course,” Shambambukli nodded. “By the way, the boy hated this violin since childhood. After your meeting, he decided to take up boxing in order to be able to fend for himself, and eventually became the world champion. Shall we continue?
Shambambukli turned a few more pages.
- Is rape good or bad?
-But I ...
-This child became a wonderful doctor and saved hundreds of lives. Good or bad?
-Well maybe...
-Among those lives was that of a killer maniac. Good or bad?
-But...
-A maniac killer will soon stab a pregnant woman who could become the mother of a great scientist! Good? Badly?
-But...
-This great scientist, if he was allowed to be born, would have to invent a bomb capable of burning out half of the continent. Badly? Or is it good?
“But I couldn't know all this!” The man shouted.
- Of course, - agreed the demiurge. - Or, for example, on page 246 - you stepped on a butterfly!
-What came of it ?!
Demiurge silently opened the book to the man and pointed with his finger. The man read, and the hair began to stir on his head.
“What a nightmare,” he whispered.
“But if you hadn't crushed it, this would have happened,” Shambambukli pointed to another paragraph. The man looked up and swallowed convulsively.
-It's out ... I saved the world?
“Yes, four times,” Shambambukli confirmed. “Having crushed a butterfly, pushing the old man, betraying his comrade and stealing the wallet from his grandmother. Every time the world was on the brink of disaster, but with your efforts it got out.
-Ah ...- the man hesitated for a second .- But on the brink of this very catastrophe ... I am him too? ..
-You, you, do not hesitate. Twice. When I fed a homeless kitten and when I saved a drowning man.
The man's knees buckled and he sat down on the floor.
“I don’t understand,” he sobbed. “Everything that I have done in my life ... what I was proud of and what I was ashamed of ... everything is the other way around, inside out, everything is not what it seems!
“That is why it would be completely wrong to judge you by your deeds,” Shambambukli said instructively. “Except by intentions ... but here you are your own judge.
He closed the book and put it in the closet, among other similar books.
-In general, when you decide where you are, go to the chosen door. And I still have things to do.
The man raised his tear-stained face.
-But I don't know which one is hell and which one is heaven.
-And it depends on what you choose, - answered Shambambukli.

What do you have this time? - asked the demiurge Mazukta the demiurge of Shambambukli.
-Problem, - Shambambukli sighed. - As usual.
- If, as usual, it means something connected with people, - concluded Mazukta. - Let me guess ... they misunderstood you again?
Shambambukli nodded dejectedly.
-Exactly.
- Tell me, - Mazukta sat down in a comfortable chair, crossed his legs and raised a freshly made cigar to his lips. - I am all attention.
- Yes, there is nothing, in fact, to tell, - Shambambukli shrugged his shoulders. - I was in a good mood, I wanted to give a present to one nice person. Just like that, as a sign of your location.
- Wait a minute, - Mazukta interrupted. - Show me this man? That one? Yeah, I see. Further, continue. You came to him with a gift, so what?

- He came, - confirmed Shambambukli. - He greeted. He offered to choose whatever you like to your taste. And he...
Shambambukli sniffed and turned away.
- What is he? - Raised an eyebrow Mazukta. - Speak already, do not be weary. What did he choose?
- Nothing, - muttered Shambambukli. - He refused everything, he also scolded me.
Mazukta raised both eyebrows. Shambambukli sighed.
-I am not kidding. He scolded. He called him unclean and drove him out of his house.
- Can you tell us the details? - asked Mazukta. - What exactly did you offer him, what words, and what was the reaction to each proposal?
“I offered him anything he wanted,” repeated Shambambukli. “I started with all the kingdoms of the earth, why waste time on trifles. Do you want, I say, all the kingdoms of the earth? Or maybe some kind of treasure, or is there immortality, or the most beautiful of women?
-A man?
-And the man asked what he would have to do for all this splendor.
-And you?
-And I said that I did not need anything from him, but if he considers himself a well-mannered person, then, of course, he can bow and thank.
- Well, everything is clear, - Mazukta grunted and put the cigar into the ashtray. - Otherwise he could not react. This is a man, don't forget.
-So what?
-And then. It is in human nature to look for a catch everywhere. Since you offered him great blessings in exchange for a single bow, there is clearly something unclean here. As he told you, by the way. The most beautiful women and earthly kingdoms are not given for nothing, it is not divine. Therefore, you, in his understanding, are not a god. And just some dubious crook.
- But what about? - Shambambukli was upset. - If I really want to give him a gift?
- Well ... - Mazukta thoughtfully scratched his chin. - There is a way, of course. I can demonstrate. Let's go to this man, now I will give him head over heels.
- Hey! - Shambambukli started, - this is my man, not yours! He doesn't even believe in you!
-Now he will believe, - assured Mazukta.
Approaching the man, he jerked him up by the scruff of his neck, shook him and shouted into his ear:
-Hey, mortal! Listen and remember! Now you will get up, quickly collect all your junk and go to distant lands to the devil's horns, and there a great nation will come from you and will have two or even three earthly kingdoms. Provided that none of you ever eat cabbage, cook lentils and peas together, or wear striped leggings. And sacrifice me every day one roast ram, well, and something else tasty, at your discretion. Got it all right? You can thank me. And henceforth give thanks twice a day, forever and ever. Free.
Mazukta let the man go, he fell to his knees and began to quickly beat back bow after bow, shedding tears of happiness and muttering: "Thank you! Thank you, creator!"
“But it’s me, and not you its creator!” Exclaimed Shambambukli.
-Yes well, what's the difference, - Mazukta waved his hand.

No, no, and again no! - the demiurge of Shambambukli waved his hands. - I am categorically against!
- What's wrong with that? - the Prophet was surprised. - I just wanted to add a few apocrypha ...
“No apocryphal is needed!” Shambambukli snapped resolutely. “I gave you my Book, everything you need is already there, and there is nothing to add to it. That's it, the conversation is over.

- But from the Book it is completely incomprehensible how fire and electricity relate, and whether the laws of one apply to another, - the Prophet objected. - And besides, people are interested in what happened to the First Man the day after ...
Shambambukli interrupted the Prophet with an angry cry.
- That is, you mean my Book is incomplete ?! She, in your opinion, is imperfect ?! Such a wonderful Book, I tried so hard to make it flawless, and you suddenly declare ...
- Everything, everything, I already understood! - the Prophet waved his hands. - Realized, I admit my mistake. Indeed, the Book is magnificent, incomparable, just the same to all Books the Book. Neither add nor subtract.
-Exactly so, - Shambambukli nodded in agreement.
-No, really a brilliant piece. Such prominent, memorable characters, such imaginative ... uh ... images! Full delight. I admire the talent of the author.
-Oh, what are you ...- Shambambukli was embarrassed.
“I’m really delighted,” the Prophet assured and handed to the demiurge the newly rejected notebook with the manuscript.
- What is this? - the demiurge narrowed his eyes suspiciously.
“Fanfiction,” the Prophet said readily. “Fan art. Based on an ingenious work. Uh ... maybe, if the respected author likes it, we can include them in the new edition of the Book? Gift, supplemented, eh?
- Fanfiction is good, - Shambambukli smiled rather. - Fans, you say, based on reasons? Well done, keep it up. We, of course, will include this in the Book, why not. It was necessary to start with fanfiction. And then he invented some apocrypha, one shame! Where did you find such a word?

Well, here's a new world for you, kids, - the demiurge Mazukta introduced with a wide wave of his hand. Here you are, daughter, who do you want to become?
- Always girls ahead, - muttered the middle son.
- Hail! - shortly threw the daughter and with a sweet smile turned to her father. - I, daddy, would like to become the goddess of the earth.
-All the land ?! - brothers were horrified.
- Yes, - the girl nodded seriously, - all. And everything that grows out of it.
- The goddess of the earth, life and fertility, - translated the elder brother. - A sick piece was cut off by my sister!
The newly made goddess stuck out her tongue at him.

“Well, what do you choose?” Mazukta asked the eldest son.
- The sea! - the senior answered without hesitation. - It is more sushi. And I also want to have the right to shake the earth!
-What ?! - the sister was indignant.
-And that! If you don’t give it to your neck in time ...
-Children, do not quarrel! - Mazukta frowned, and everyone fell silent at once. - Well, the sea is yours. And you will arrange earthquakes ... well, at least with this oar.
- Well, take your own sea, - grumbled my sister. - Anyway, there is nothing interesting in it, only fish. But on earth, people are found.
- Nothing, nothing, - the elder brother grunted. - I have a couple of ideas.
- Well, good, - continued Mazukta. - And what do you want?
The middle son turned a pale face to his father.
“The underground world,” he hissed or whispered. “Earth, water, people, fish ... all this is ephemeral, shaky. Today is, tomorrow is not. They, - he nodded at his brother and sister, - will not be able to own anything permanently, sooner or later everything will die and fall to me. Forever. Their losses are my gain.
-A good choice, - approved Mazukta and turned to his youngest son. - Well, you, kid, what do you want?
“I want to be the most important,” the youngest answered simply.
The sister and brothers were at first taken aback, and then burst out laughing.
-Well, brother, you are impudent!
-Son, - said Mazukta affectionately. - There is no such position as "chief". Please choose something normal. Do you want to be the sun god? Or the moon?
- It's not fundamental, - the youngest calmly shrugged his shoulders. - Sun, thunder, spring rain or swamp fever. Call it whatever you like. We are not talking about formalities, but about real power?
And he pointedly patted the inconspicuous leather daddy on his lap with his palm.

Demiurge raised his eyes and looked into the face of his opponent.
-So you think it's time to destroy this world?
-Yes, I think so, - the opponent nodded.
-What gives you reason to think so?
- The behavior of people, - the opponent shrugged his shoulders, - what else!
-Yes? And what are they guilty of?

- People distort divine providence, - the opponent frowned sternly. - They change nature. They level mountains with the earth, move riverbeds, cut down forests and green deserts. Doesn't that mean they are brazenly accusing your world of imperfection? How dare they change the creation of your hands? Is this not an attempt on divine providence?
- I understand, - the demiurge nodded, - continue.
-People fight disease - isn't it a riot? After all, diseases are sent to them from above! They even learned to sew on severed limbs and bring the recently deceased back to life! They're doing organ transplants and making artificial substitutes! This is not a gate at all, right?
-Continue, - asked the demiurge.
-They build machines and flight devices. Is this right? If people were instructed to fly, they would be born with wings. They are engaged in the transformation of elements, interfere with genetics, create new forms of life ... But what do they even allow themselves ?!
-What they can, then they allow, - the demiurge answered calmly. - There is such a streak in them, creative. After all, I created them in my own image and likeness.
-So, let them do their atrocities? And they won't get anything for it?
- It will, probably, - the demiurge sighed. - But creativity is generally a dangerous entertainment. They will burn themselves more than once or twice ... but themselves. I have nothing to punish them for.
-But they violate the laws of nature!
- The laws of nature, - the demiurge smiled, - not the criminal code. Let them violate themselves.

Here it is, my world, which I told you about, said the demiurge Mazukta, sweeping the space with a wide wave of his hand.
- Seriously? - the demiurge of Shambambukli doubted. - Is this some kind of new concept? I don't see anything here, just gray dregs. Where is the earth, where is the sky? Where is that?
-It's Chaos. And everything that is needed already exists in him, - assured Mazukta. - But so far only in potential. This thing still needs to be started.
-How are you going to launch it?
-Very simple.

Mazukta took a puffy book of Genesis from his inner pocket.
-Here I have described all the basic laws and interactions that should be in the future world. Chaos contains the sky, the earth, and other objects, it remains only to start a mechanism that will isolate them, give the desired appearance and generally put them in order. This book contains an algorithm. One bare information on how the world should work. And over there, - Mazukta pointed with his finger, - there is a processor for processing this information. Let's go and show you.
The demiurges approached the processor.
“Looks like an ordinary person,” Shambambukli remarked.
-Because this is he, - answered Mazukta, page after page putting into the head of a person a general concept of the universe. For you and me, there is nothing here but gray dregs, and a person's consciousness is limited. He will see what I teach him. And in the way that I will indicate.
-And how will this help you to build the world? - Shambambukli did not understand. - So far, it seems to me only a person who catches glitches in the fog.
Mazukta sighed and raised his eyes to the nonexistent sky.
-Shambamboo! Take a closer look, please. This person is created in my image and likeness. If he has a logical picture of the world, the world will simply have to be realized. He will have no other choice. O! He is waking up! We hide!
The man opened his eyes, looked at the clouds, at the rustling crowns of trees, sat down, picked up an apple from the grass and crunched it.
“You see,” Mazukta whispered in Shambambukli's ear. “I told you so!
- I see, - Shambambukli felt the earthly firmament, tapped his finger on the crystal dome of heaven and scratched behind the ear of the nearest of the three elephants. - Indeed, a completely finished picture of the world. Aren't you afraid that your data might be accidentally damaged in transit? Several generations will pass, there will be a failure, some theory about a round planet will appear ...
- Come on, nonsense! - Mazukta laughed. - Subconsciously people will always be sure that the earth is flat as a pancake.
-Well, all the same? What if some of the people seriously believe that she is a ball?
-It's OK. Some people will live on round ground, others on flat ground. For some, time will go faster, for others it will go slower. Someone's sun will freeze in the center of the universe, and someone will ride in a fiery chariot. It doesn't matter, it's just a matter of perception. The world will have not one facet, but many. Let them coexist, there will be enough Chaos for everyone.
-Even the wildest theories?
-Yes.
-And if they all quarrel? Wouldn't want to coexist?
-Then the world will be again plunged into Chaos, - answered Mazukta. - But I don't think it will come to that. People are not stupid enough to quarrel over illusions!