How to love yourself and become happy - every second woman asks this question. About this queries in Yandex and Google search engines. And for this literally screaming request, mountains of all kinds of literature have been written, both in printed format and on the open spaces of the Runet. And how can we, women, not drown in this sea of ​​information and be able to swim to the other shore of Hope, where our very Love for ourselves lives?

Let's try to understand this issue sequentially.

False attitudes - destruction of self-esteem

Both I and my friends were looking for answers on how to love yourself in “smart books” and, despite all sorts of tricks in the search for female happiness, we made mistakes in our personal lives with enviable repetition and were left alone. Without a close and beloved man nearby.

What's the catch?

In fact - not by accident and will not appear. It is not enough to simply perfect your body without working on your state of mind. It is impossible to receive love without initially giving it out.

I myself have lived with such a fundamentally wrong approach for a long time. I thought: “Here I am - beautiful, successful, young, I have a prestigious status, a demanded profession and long-term experience. Men themselves should stack at my feet! " Didn't fit. And those who zealously wanted - did not interest me.

Having studied mountains of books on self-development and self-improvement, having taken courses and trainings in psychology, armed with the cherished "piece of paper for happiness" - a certificate, I was waiting for the manna from heaven and the flow of all-consuming Love from the outside to my head. How else? After all, by that time I had already developed practices for revealing self-love through various breathing techniques, including the belly and the “third eye”. I got to know the very essence of women.

It turns out that I was wrong about something?

Mistakes in the little things - a lifetime failure

Beautiful outfits, new hairstyles, meeting up with girlfriends on weekends and discussing new techniques to attract love. All this seemed to be necessary for any woman to feel confident, beautiful, successful. All of this was supposed to increase self-esteem.

But I misunderstood the very essence of what I was looking for. I looked for self-love outside and waited for the manifestation of it from others. Striving to rise in the eyes of others, I lost more and more respect for myself every day. For some reason, self-esteem plummeted downward. It turned out, no matter how much I tried to just love myself, looking at myself from the outside, I got worse and worse inside.

The selfish approach did not suit me at all! What's the catch? I realized that I urgently needed to change the approach itself!

To love yourself is to act for another.

I learned that the seed of love is first born within oneself. Not for yourself, but for another person. And it is taken out - outside, to people, without expecting something in return.

To love is a verb. To love is to do something. But what? And How? We women are accustomed to waiting for love, but you need to literally do it, that is, show it in action.

This does not mean at all that a woman needs to be the first to take the initiative in a real acquaintance or call a man on a first date. But to start a conversation on an interesting topic for both, to open his soul to him, thus starting the movement of his emotions towards a man, is quite acceptable.

How to act correctly?

When you are really ready to give something from your heart, by engaging in the very process of giving with all meaningfulness and readiness, amazing things begin to happen. Men give gifts and compliments. Reaching out to you. They help in any urgent matters, offering help themselves first. And it is not necessary to wear only long skirts, it is quite possible to be a woman in jeans. The main thing is the inner feeling.

And in fact, a man doesn't owe anything at the first meeting - in contrast to how they taught me earlier at pseudo-trainings. It is the woman who first sets the message to the man, building an emotional connection with him and laying the foundation for future relationships, it is with the woman that there is a greater demand in this matter.

To love yourself - to know yourself through another

☀ Having cognized ourselves, we accept ourselves. But to accept does not mean to love yourself as you are. This is fundamentally wrong. It means understanding ourselves and realizing the best we have.

☀ We are capable of knowing ourselves only on the basis of differences from others. And it is possible to see the differences only by interacting with people, first of all understanding what drives them, what are their desires and needs.

With the help of the knowledge of Yuri Burlan's training "System-Vector Psychology", the mental changes and recovers. And as a result, the body changes. Psychosomatics disappears. The appearance improves by an order of magnitude, the weight comes to the desired shape, the skin becomes clean, smooth, velvety. The natural smell is changing - pheromones.

In fact, it is not at all difficult for a woman to really love herself using systemic knowledge. Many were able to realize this and began to live in a new way, as evidenced by the reviews. The phrase "love yourself" has become not just a formulaic, but truly lived and understood for them:

"... Now, when I hear the words" love yourself ", I understand that this is impossible if you do not understand how your unconscious works, this whole mechanism ..."

“… I think that the most important result of the training is that you understand your own characteristics and accept them. You get rid of illusions, wrong attitudes.
You get to know yourself. You are becoming wiser. They want to deal with you ... "

I believe that every woman who really, really decides to understand this question, which is ambiguously understood by society, will be able to know herself and love herself. Such a woman, who has become the owner of the secret of building herself new, will undoubtedly meet her man for life in harmonious relations with him. Because, first of all, she will learn to respect another person, and through this, respect herself.

Do you want to be happy? Come to the free online training "System Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan.

The article was written using materials from Yuri Burlan's online trainings "System-Vector Psychology"

According to the psychologist N. Kozlov, only taking care of oneself, carried out with joy, releases the inner light of a woman and makes her attractive and desirable. Do not confuse self-worth and the desire to enjoy life with selfishness. If we compare one state with another, then the egoistic aspirations of a person can be expressed by the thought: "Everyone owes me, because I am better," and self-respectful ones: "I am wonderful and unique, like everyone else."

What else distinguishes a woman with a healthy positive attitude towards herself from a selfish person or someone who is too critical of herself:

• she performs any work with the soul, her actions are devoid of automatism (fully conscious);
• she does not seek to make her happiness loud;
• she is altruistic, but without prejudice to her own interests;
• she does not take on overwhelming tasks;
• she values ​​her time and is familiar with the principles of smart delegation.

Carrying yourself into the world as a rare work of art, respecting your unique qualities and preserving your individuality - this is what it means for a person to love himself. But how to love yourself as a woman?

Causes of low self-esteem in women

The girl begins to evaluate herself from the perspective of "I am everyone else" even before the beginning of puberty. But if in childhood the criteria for such a match are primitive: “He who loves me is good,” then adolescents have different standards. The girl already looks at herself from the standpoint of “everyone else” and defines her attitude towards people in terms of her own behavior.

When committing anti-moral acts or those that are considered to be such in this family, the teenager is inclined to condemn himself "for sins", attaching exaggerated importance to them. There is self-rejection, a sharp rejection by the girl of her "dark" side, or, even worse, a subconscious belief that she is "not worthy of the best." In the absence of psychological contact with the mother and help from her side, this belief can develop into a life attitude and chronic self-dislike.

The second reason that prevents a woman from being herself is laid even in early childhood, when parents, out of good intentions, begin to inspire the girl with what she should be and what she should not be. By manipulating his love for his parents, the child is deprived of the right to individual traits. The skill of hypocrisy is presented to the girl as a means of being in demand and convenient for those around her. Having mastered this science completely, the teenager also gains a number of advantages, and wearing masks becomes habitual and comfortable.

The wonders of disguise, or how to run away from yourself

When a woman is not satisfied with her life, she seeks to change the external conditions of the main factors of her dissatisfaction, while she should first understand the origin of each of these factors. An inattentive (lazy, aggressive) husband, a problem job, a bad girlfriend, are a thing of the past and what appears in return seems more bearable and acceptable. But soon the situation surprisingly returns. Why is this happening?

The fact is that, correcting the external circumstances of her life, a woman forgets that those traits of her character and worldview, which have once attracted negative events into her life, have not gone anywhere. And just as the removal of acute symptoms does not cure the disease, but only makes it less noticeable, a change in environment and environment will only temporarily bring relief, creating the illusion of well-being. After all, if a woman does not learn to love herself, the new husband will not respect her as well as the old one, and interesting work will soon turn into a tiresome routine.

It is necessary to understand that harmony is a very important component of an integral self-sufficient personality; it does not form around a person in the form of an aura that magically changes everything around. This desired balance, transforming into external beauty, peace of mind and, as a result, into a magnet for positive events and good people, comes from the woman's peace of mind, her self-acceptance and love for herself.

Alarming symptoms of dislike

What is the manifestation of self-dislike? Below are 10 points that highlight the key points of a woman's lack of self-esteem:

• inability to accept compliments, embarrassment about this and attempts to "reduce the degree" of someone else's admiration;
• denial of small pleasures to oneself, arguing that “others need it more”;
• looking for faults in oneself (bad skin, gray hair) at every glance in the mirror;
• denial of their achievements, belittling of dignity;
• the onset of a feeling of shame, if something “superfluous” was allowed to oneself (dessert, a new handbag, a manicure) and a promise to oneself that “this will not happen again”;
• excessive concern about someone else's opinion, condemnation;
• "Getting stuck" for months or even years on the negative moments of life - someone's death, a failed romance, insults;
• fear of showing external individuality in dress or behavior;
• fear of changing something in life - getting a high position, going to an unfamiliar country, getting a new education;
• tension in the society of unfamiliar people or colleagues in a higher position, involuntary currying favor with them in order to earn their approval.

A woman who does not agree with her appearance and character, who thinks that everyone else is much more beautiful, smarter and more successful than her, is very sensitive to any criticism. A reason to think that she is "bullied", "survived" or "hated" may even be a colleague's remark about an unsuccessful manicure or "arrow" on tights.

Correcting and clearing the mind

How to awaken a woman in yourself? Psychologists say: just as you cannot decorate a room littered with garbage, you cannot try to improve your life, filled with old resentments and negative thoughts. Therefore - first of all - a woman needs to get rid of what has so far filled her life, but did not make her better. You can do this mentally by connecting visualization, but it is best to get down to business thoroughly.

We need to get a small cardboard box and write on it in large letters: "Everything that spoils my life." Then, having cut paper strips from notebook sheets, you need to try to fill as many of them as possible with various negative emotions, bad thoughts, old events and even the names of people who have left an unpleasant aftertaste in your memory. An example of writing on paper strips:

• Seryozha from the 7th grade who laughed at me;
• my extravagance, which everyone takes advantage of;
• quarrels with dad over the car, etc.

It is necessary to extract from memory as many of these "fragments" as possible, constantly wounding the soul. When there is not a single hidden grievance left in the head, the notes, in turn, are taken in hand, read loudly and sent to the box. With a sealed "box of negative" you can do anything you want - trample it, throw it into the wall, throw it off the roof, in the end, but in the end it must be destroyed without a trace, throwing it into a fire or drowning it in a swamp.

A letter to the past

Despite the successful completion of the first stage of "cleaning", the women must have lingered in their minds and did not stop sharply reminding themselves of the most difficult moments of her life. As a rule, those episodes that could develop in a positive way are most painfully “sitting in the memory”, if they follow a slightly different scenario. How is it usually? “If not for that quarrel after the party, we would not have parted”, “If my friend had listened to me then, we would not have stopped communicating.”

Such thoughts are capable of poisoning the whole existence, therefore they are very dangerous. Forcing yourself not to think about them is unrealistic, but you can deprive them of the power that is called "empty regrets."

Left alone, a woman must first allow painful thoughts to prevail over others. It can be very painful, but the need for this measure is justified by the opportunity to look at the situation from the distance of time passed. Was that guy's offense that caused the quarrel so terrible? Could he have done otherwise?

The outcome of the renewed experiences should be a letter to the person, the memories of which are so painful, but at the same time it will become a letter from the woman to herself. In your message, it is appropriate to throw out all the accumulated emotions, ask for forgiveness, explain yourself. The main thing is that later, burning the sealed envelope with the letter, the woman felt relief and a desire to move on.

Learning to love yourself

Now that all the bad things from the past have been humiliated and forgotten, it's time to fill your head with only useful and pleasant knowledge about yourself. How to love yourself as a woman? Of course, realizing that there is no other, and everything that is part of such a unique personality is wonderful and beautiful by definition.

How a woman can increase her self-esteem and confidence:

• memorize 2-3 suitable affirmations for uplifting and repeat them often;
• make a rearrangement in your home exactly as you wanted for a long time;
• take care of yourself every day (make masks, manicure-pedicure), despite fatigue or bad mood;
• revise the wardrobe and get rid of everything that was simply a pity to throw away for a long time;
• at least once a day do what you really want to do - eat ice cream, watch a movie, etc.

It is worth taking into account the following fact: in no film or book the main character Doesn't succeed by choking on an unloved job or meeting an unpleasant person. All good events begin to happen with drastic changes and only after the hero has revised his life values. Output? What is tiresome or annoying does not fit into the same format as well-deserved happiness.

We read and recognize ourselves

At the pace modern life it is difficult for a woman to find time to attend trainings and seminars on personal "re-training", and independent study of the subject is often impossible due to a lack of understanding how to understand the mass of the offered literature. Books on psychology for women, which are worth reading at the very beginning of the path of self-knowledge, belong to the classics of popular literature, and their authors are gurus modern science relationships:

1. Ute Erhardt, a German psychologist who breaks down stereotypes, and his book Good Girls Go to Heaven, Bad Girls Wherever They Want ...
2. Victoria Isaeva, journalist and specialist in family psychology with the work "We and Men".
3. Bert Hellenger, psychotherapist, philosopher and author of psychological techniques with the book "Springs of Love".

These famous works will not only acquaint a woman with the "correct" everyday psychology - how to love her body, learn to respect herself and watch her thoughts - but also open before her the world of other people's motives and secret thoughts.

Separately, I would like to highlight the work of the master of positive thinking Alexander Sviyash “90 steps to a happy life. From Cinderella to Princess ". The work can be safely called the answer to the question of how a woman can fall in love with herself. The book is written in an interesting style and perfectly stimulates you to achieve.

How to love yourself as a woman? There is no definitive answer to this question, but there are certain rules, adhering to which any seeker will forget how to think of herself in the background:

• one must unconditionally accept this fact - everything that happened in life should have happened exactly this way, and not otherwise;
• it is not necessary to see the ideal in other people, but there should always be someone ahead who would like to catch up and overtake;
• learn to take care of yourself, seeing this not as a necessity, but as a source of pleasure;
• you should more often compare yourself today with yourself yesterday and with a positive note any positive dynamics;
• it is necessary to avoid falling under the influence of such social egregors as television, political parties, fashion, etc.

Many women find that their lives have improved significantly after they stopped clinging to their comfort zone and allowed themselves to be carried away by other interests, ideas, and pleasures.

A person suffering from low self-esteem cannot communicate normally with other people and spends the lion's share of time on self-flagellation, continuing to acquire new complexes. Because of self-dislike for oneself, dreams of a happy life remain unfulfilled. In order to love yourself and get rid of prejudices, often imposed from the outside, forever, you need to familiarize yourself with the projective mechanisms of the psyche and master a number of psychological skills.

It will be quite problematic to change your attitude towards yourself for the better without really understanding what exactly contributed to the development of such hostility. According to psychologists, the reason for this kind of auto-aggression most often becomes psychological trauma received in childhood.

Many of those who categorically do not want to accept themselves as they are, in one way or another were subjected to ridicule and insults from their peers, felt superfluous in the classroom. All this, of course, cannot but affect the child's self-esteem. He doesn't understand why the guys ignore him. If a person, as an adult, still cannot get rid of these unpleasant memories, then most likely the root of self-dislike lies here.

Sometimes the parents make the situation worse. They try in every possible way to motivate their child for new achievements, and with absolutely good intentions, but they are faced with the opposite result. For example, constantly comparing their own child with children who are more successful in all respects, they deal a devastating blow to his self-esteem. Deprived of moral support and affection, the baby, having matured, begins to suffer from self-rejection.

Bad experience with members of the opposite sex is another factor that provokes negative attitude to yourself. For some, unrequited love becomes an invaluable lesson, while for others it becomes a severe mental wound and a reason for worrying about their inferiority. The abandoned person often blames himself for everything, believing that he is not handsome enough or does not have any qualities that his former partner values.

Sometimes a person's beliefs just don't fit in with the spirit of the times. Modern society is structured in such a way that everyone is trying to match fashion trends in one way or another, competing in success. If a person falls out of the crowd, then it is possible that he will not be able to love himself. So, a girl who is not seeking to build a successful career, but who wants to quickly go down the aisle and cook the narrowed borscht, may experience some difficulties in accepting her own values.

Self-dislike is visible to the naked eye. It is read in the manner of holding and speaking, looking, walking. You can suspect a person of an overly negative attitude towards his own person by the following signs:

• is too critical of his appearance;
• blushes with embarrassment when compliments are made to him;
• often refuses what brings him joy;
• denies his merits;
• prefers to remain unnoticed;
• tries to please everyone and not offend anyone;
• dependent on the opinions of others;
• constantly makes excuses for the inconvenience caused;
• morally tortures himself whenever he makes a mistake;
• worries about any reason;
• has been focusing on past failures for years;
• believes that if a person has a different view of certain things, then he treats him badly.

This list can be continued indefinitely, because there are a myriad of manifestations of self-dislike. Everything is individual.

It should be said that the devaluation of one's personality does not always affect all spheres of life: sometimes it manifests itself more in the professional field, and sometimes in amorous affairs.

To start loving yourself, you cannot sit back and wait for the situation to change dramatically. It is necessary to collect all the will into a fist and act. The surest solution is seek help from an experienced psychotherapist... If this is not possible, do not despair. The advice of experts will help radically change the attitude towards yourself, which can be found by opening tutorial in practical psychology.

Expression of feelings

It so happened that society condemns people who openly express feelings such as anger, resentment, indignation. Many men and women from childhood are accustomed not to flaunt their emotions, preferring to accumulate them in themselves. It is very important to learn to allow yourself to feel what is troubling at a particular moment, as well as to correctly present it to others.

For example, a girl was offended by an awkwardly thrown word by a close friend. Out of habit, one wants to immediately bury the resentment deeper, so as not to kindle the fire of enmity. This position is not always appropriate. As you know, emotions are natural, and if they arose, then, most likely, the situation was conducive to their appearance. If a friend really behaved inappropriately, you should point it out to her. Perhaps she does not even suspect that her words could hurt a heart.

Without the ability to let go of the past, it is impossible to achieve peace of mind, experts in the field of psychology unanimously say. It's quite easy to do this - you need to carefully analyze unsuccessful experience, feel your attitude to a negative situation, and then safely forget everything. Obsessing over the past, which cannot be changed, a person stagnates and does not work on his development.

Often, a long experience of missed opportunities, wasted time or mistakes leads to an ongoing sense of guilt and does not allow developing love for oneself, as a result of which one's own authority is undermined - almost a key factor in the formation of a psychologically stable personality who knows his own worth.

It is important to clearly understand your place in this world in order to philosophically relate to any troubles and obstacles encountered on the path of life.

Surely everyone at least once thought about the kind of people around him. Is it comfortable to be in their presence? Do they give a charge of positive emotions or, on the contrary, act as energy vampires, sow doubts and weaken the desire for self-improvement? Is there an understanding of how these people got there and why they do not disappear anywhere?

It is necessary to say goodbye to people with whom communication causes psychological discomfort, or to minimize contacts if professional activity requires interaction with them. This is a time consuming but feasible task.

You need to communicate with those who radiate positive and inspire to useful deeds. Everyone wants to take an example from them and change for the better.

Very often, self-dislike is explained by dissatisfaction with the external appearance. Moreover, this can be both a real problem and a far-fetched one. The body type is genetically based, but everyone is able to make every effort to ensure that the body is healthy and well-groomed.

Many flaws in appearance can easily be hidden by the correct selection of clothing suitable for the physique, the use of cosmetics. It is important to pay due attention to your appearance. It is not at all necessary to be dressed with a needle. The main thing is to like the wardrobe items and add confidence to their owner. It is worth trying to find time to do your hair, put on your makeup before going out. The pleasant scent of eau de toilette and beautiful accessories are guaranteed to inspire, improve your mood and lift your spirits.

In the arsenal of psychologists there are many techniques that, over time, will make a person fall in love with himself. Particularly noteworthy are the so-called affirmations - short phrases containing a verbal formula, repeating which you can fix the desired setting at the subconscious level, thereby improving the psycho-emotional background. By resorting to this self-hypnosis technique, you can achieve positive changes within a few weeks.

With the help of affirmation, a person can quickly learn to see their strengths and feel comfortable being in the body in which they were born. To do this, he needs to regularly speak out loud phrases where he convinces himself in the following circumstances:

• he is worthy of respect and love;
• him beautiful body and good character;
• he treats other people with kindness.

Another exercise that guarantees an impressive result is the fact that the person has a detailed idea of ​​what his life will look like when he loves himself. Additional questions will help to evoke the desired image:

1. What will it look like?
2. What will be his demeanor?
3. What actions will be prohibited?
4. Where and how will he live?
5. What kind of activity to do?
6. How will you build relationships with your loved one?

Having answered these and other questions, you need to draw this picture in your mind and consider it from all sides, adding smells and sounds to the fictional image. While in this state, you should listen to your inner feelings. By doing this exercise on a regular basis, a person will become who he wants to be in reality - confident and loving himself.

The ability to love yourself is the basis, thanks to which you can later learn to give warmth to others and receive love from others. If you do not master this art, the source of your own feelings will be blocked, and the person will lose his “I” behind a heap of false masks.

More Related:

How to stop being shy: advice from psychologists and from books about shyness How to get rid of laziness forever: simple ways and advice from psychologists How to independently increase your self-esteem: advice from psychologists How to fall asleep quickly and easily: tried and tested tips Mom's Tips for Mom How to learn to pull up on a horizontal bar: a description of techniques and tips

/ /

How important is it for a woman to love herself?

I recently received this letter:

“Why should a woman love herself? A woman should love children, parents, husband. And do everything for their sake. This is her vocation and the meaning of life. And to love yourself is selfishness! "

Who else thinks so? I don’t know about you, but, firstly, I am categorically against all sorts of "a woman should", and secondly ... I answered the letter, but it turned out to be a whole article.

If you don't like your life and want to change it, then you need to start with yourself. And usually the main cause of all life's problems is that a woman does not love or accept herself.

Let's follow the logical chain.

Sphere of relations

A woman dreams of getting married, but pushes men away from herself. Why it happens? In most cases, this woman does not accept and does not love herself, and if she does not love herself, then why should someone else love her? The world is mirrored. When you love yourself, this love is reflected outside, and those around you also begin to radiate love. And if you criticize yourself, you see only one flaw in yourself, you hate your appearance, character, habits ... Then the people around you will perceive you the same way. They will allow themselves to criticize you and reflect your "dislike", which will pour out on you.

And then you start to listen to their criticism and put off your life "for later", promising yourself: "When I lose weight, become slim and beautiful, I will find my soul mate and get married." I don’t want to upset you. But that won't happen. Perhaps you will change outwardly, but it is unlikely that, having got rid of a few kilograms of excess weight, you will begin to love yourself more. You will have other reasons for humiliating yourself.

How do I know this? I myself was at one time a very strict judge for myself. She did not forgive herself for mistakes, she was very demanding about her appearance and what she did. She treated herself very hard. Although by nature I am a very kind person, I love and forgive everyone ... everyone except myself. It was like that before. Now everything is different. I have been living with a different position for exactly 10 years. I learned a very good lesson from life and I am grateful to her for it. When it was really bad, I realized that I was doing everything wrong! It was a bright flash of light, what is called insight! When, in an instant, the mosaic is folded, because the missing puzzle has been found.

And this puzzle for me was - to love yourself and put YOUR interests above everything.

Now, whatever I do, I do it from the position of a woman who loves herself. And that's okay. I love my husband, son, mother. But I also understand that if I feel bad, they will suffer too. Well, when I feel good, all my relatives are happy too! After all, I am a WOMAN. I create an atmosphere in the home and in relationships. And a lot in the family depends on my state of mind and health.

So that's it. I continue about the relationship. Love yourself as you are today, and then your soul mate will itself be attracted to you. How do you know, maybe the person who is destined to become your husband loves plump women, and for some reason you are trying to lose weight. And when you lose weight, he may simply not notice you and pass by :) This also happens.

Sphere of work and career

Which woman is usually successful in her career? A woman who is confident that she is the best specialist in her field. She does not doubt herself, loves herself, and her superiors also begin to appreciate and promote her. Again, the law of reflection works. As we relate to ourselves, so others relate to us.

Our relationship with money is directly related to how we feel about ourselves. A woman who loves herself will not work in a low-paid, unloved job. She will find her purpose and start making money doing what she loves. After all, when we like something, and we do it with love, we succeed in everything, and our favorite work begins to bring income.

Health sphere

A woman who loves herself will not save on herself, on her vacation, on vitamins and examinations, on playing sports. She protects her health. When a woman in a family is healthy and happy, joyful and energetic, she infects others with her happiness. After all, happiness is contagious! Both her husband and children feel comfortable in such an atmosphere of happiness. Therefore, a woman should take care of herself first of all, so that everyone around her is good, joyful and light! Simple logic.

A person's confidence is influenced by quite a few factors that take place in everyday life. Fate often arranges tests of strength that can shake any sense of dignity. At such moments, knowledge will be needed on how to make a woman or girl love herself and increase her self-esteem, generously provided by psychology. I will talk about this in this article.

The subtle side of the issue

The ability to value oneself means to show love that does not set conditions and does not require heroic deeds. But this is not the only problem.

Two different but close concepts

Many may mistake this for "narcissism." But this is a deep misconception. Sincere feelings of a person towards himself are not a feeling of superiority over others and not an idea of ​​oneself as the “navel of the earth” around which the planet revolves. Respecting your “I” means accepting negative traits and flaws. The individual finds harmony in his inner world, becomes confident in any situation and is imbued with respect for his own actions and words.

Loving yourself is like

There is nothing selfish about this manifestation. It is a natural care for yourself, soul, mind and body. It is the acceptance of individuality and characteristics. Some women are given the skill from birth, but others need to develop it with a little effort. It is difficult to point out the number of people trying to adhere to the rule. But whether they correctly understand the meaning of this phrase is another question. Fashion magazines teach not to forget to be content with chocolate, go for a massage, in a word - indulge fleeting needs. But is it real?

From the fact that a person has acquired an expensive toy for the sake of a whim, he will not be happy. Sincere feelings - harmony, life in harmony with conscience, care and the ability to see the bright and joyful sides in everything. But it takes a little work to achieve balance.

What is "unconditional love"

Concept means feelings without conditions. The individual accepts himself regardless of material and social status, state and other benefits. This allows me to respect merits and demerits and distinguish myself from the “narcissist” who breeds pride and selfishness. This is humility and simplicity, but also self-sufficiency and a sense of lightness.

Why is it important to love yourself

Sometimes you want to become like the girls "from the cover" - the most beautiful and ideal. But these do not exist, and finding cons, they fall into depression, experience stress. Those who value themselves do not feel guilty about their flaws, but try to eradicate them, feel their self-sufficiency and uniqueness. A person sees a person.

Also, love gives confidence, which affects manners, movements, gait. The surrounding people feel the radiated calmness and harmony, due to which the positive attitude to them. To love life and yourself means that a woman gains emotional stability. Such ladies do not need approval from the outside. They are less susceptible to manipulation of public opinion, which gives them freedom of action and getting rid of the fear of "what people will say."

The ability to respect your own "I" is a great advantage. This has a great effect not only on behavior in society, but also on appearance. Calmness and balance prevent most of the stress associated with low self-esteem and bring happiness to a person. Do you want it too? I am ready to help you with this, for this you need to sign up for mine. In the meantime, here are some recommendations that will tell you how to take the first steps.

Realize your self-sufficiency

Not a single thing, be it a beautiful hairstyle or expensive clothes, will allow yourself to be liked for a long time, since these are temporary properties. The curls can deteriorate in strong winds, and the T-shirt can wear out. Also, do not completely surrender to your beloved. You need to love regardless of the presence of a chosen one. Seeing your own happiness in something else means walking on a slippery slope.

Accept Yourself Whole

Many despise themselves for past mistakes. This will only become an obstacle in our business.

Respect your past choices

Understand that the actions and decisions taken at that time seemed to be the only right ones. You now admit that this is not the case. But you must come to forgiveness, because delusion has made you who you are in the present.

Understand the disadvantages

You should not engage in self-criticism and reproach for mistakes or unwanted character traits. Not sleeping at night and thinking that at that moment you could have acted differently and everything would have gone differently is not the best option. You are who you are. This does not mean that you need to come to terms with the minuses, but you should not despise either.

Don't look for a reason to love

After all, along with their search, thoughts will come not to value themselves. Understand that you are self-sufficient, and this is already a great wealth for a person. After that, it will become much easier to understand what it means to be loved for a woman, how to love and respect yourself.

Don't put others higher

After all, there are no those who are higher or lower than you. By exalting others, you ruin your self-esteem, see only flaws, and pose major obstacles to your confidence.

Discard comparisons

This will only lead to self-condemnation. You shouldn't strive to be who you are not. After all, it is impossible to live someone else's life, and the best that you can do is to be yourself and improve yourself. Women who perceive the rules of psychology can easily learn how to love, respect and value themselves.

But that's not all

This does not mean that doubts should be completely avoided. There is one perfectly suitable person for this role - you. When you wake up in the morning, ask yourself the following questions:

• In what ways have I become wiser?
• Was I able to step out of my comfort zone?
• What lessons have I learned?

With negative answers, you will understand exactly where you need to move in order to continue to develop.

Indulge in respect for your own mind and body

This will indicate that you have accepted yourself as a person with good judgment and self-care.

Stick to the right lifestyle

Do not torment the body with harmful substances and alcohol. This is characteristic of weak people who hate or do not know where to start self-love and how to develop it. Pleasant muscle soreness after physical exertion gives you much more satisfaction and the knowledge that you did the right thing than a headache after another party. Try exercising in the morning, eating a healthy diet, and taking evening walks as a rule.

Don't clog your head

In a world where information flows are huge, it is necessary to build barriers from such "garbage". Don't sit in front of TV or social media all day. Try to tune in to a positive wave, develop your mind with good books, be curious. All this will lead to new ideas and understanding for both men and women, what it means to love yourself and what needs to be done to make it real.

Get rid of judgments about yourself and others

Learn to soberly assess what is happening. The more often you judge others, the stronger you fit into the crowd.

Why you shouldn't do it

Blame, like all other negative emotions, takes too much energy. Better direct her to self-development or useful things.

An example of the negative impact of such actions

A person speaks to people and, due to the excitement, is not good enough for him. But you start throwing mud at him, severely criticizing him for such dilettantism. But then there comes a time when you yourself need to stand on the stage, but "grumbling" does not allow you to open up to 100% and gives uncertainty. Therefore, you should not resort to condemnation. You need to learn to accept yourself for who you are.

Change what you don't like

There is no need to be patient in uncomfortable situations. Express your displeasure verbally or by action and suppress it. For example, you feel uncomfortable when people smoke in the car. Say you hate tobacco smoke or suggest going outside. The more problems are solved, the easier it becomes to show love.

Find personal boundaries

Decide on the preferences and character traits in those around you that are worthy of respect. Show yourself and your principles of life. Then no one can abuse your kindness. And those close to you will find out what you are allowing and will begin to adjust to it.

Don't forget about rewards

If you have achieved your goal, please yourself. The thought will be fixed in my head that victories are much tastier and more enjoyable. This creates additional motivation for personal growth, and much more energy is generated. it important advice psychologist Daria Milay, how to love and respect yourself.

Avoid Complaints, Both Yours and Others

If you are used to throwing out your feelings on people, then they will also consider it right to do the same. But this does not solve the problem. To stop the whiner from complaining about fate, ask what he is going to do. This will make him think. Otherwise, he just wants to be pitied. Remember, this is the first rule of thumb to start loving yourself. After all, respect is shown only to strong personalities.

Feel responsible for your actions.

The method will perfectly help to realize that any situation is directly in our subordination.

We take paper and a pen

Try to write down any unpleasant incident on the points where you influenced it. And you will stop seeing guilt in others and understand: all life events depend solely on you.

Illustrative example

Let's try to figure out the situation of a fight on the street. What you may be to blame:

• responded negatively, lost control of emotions;
• were a provocateur;
• did not get away from the conflict;
• the first to climb into battle.

Learn about your own merits

Another way to make you love yourself is to write down all the positive qualities on a piece of paper. It can be accuracy, conscientiousness, sociability, hard work. Think about it daily. So you can stop dwelling on shortcomings and find your value and "zest".

Video instruction on how to love yourself and raise self-esteem

Trust your dreams and intentions

Act as you want without thinking about generally accepted rules. Of course, within reason. After all, this is how you can live perfectly. Don't be afraid to be open and funny and express your personality fully. After all, restrictions due to public opinion- a huge obstacle to awareness and acceptance.

Ask a question

Do some introspection

How can you love yourself, change your life, become a confident and happy person if you don't really know your own inner world?

We gain determination and learn to value ourselves

Do not be afraid to leave your comfort zone, discover new facets, experiment. Try to find activities and hobbies that raise the general condition, mood and make you go into the process with your head. This is how we learn to love ourselves.

Set a goal and boldly go towards it

It must be a strong desire that haunts you. Take steps daily. After all, the higher the dream, the more energy and strength appears for its implementation. And this will help you to reveal your potential, bring colors to life and gain a sense of how much you are growing and developing.

Love others

Do not seek to change those around you, but accept them that way. After all, it makes no sense to influence the behavior of people. Especially when there was no corresponding request. Your environment is a reflection of yourself. Social views show who you are. If he seems heartless to you, then change your acquaintances or your perception. Refuse to be overly critical.

Don't try to be perfect

Modern media and society as a whole instills in everyone the desire to become the best, without a single flaw. But in reality this does not happen. Striving to seem more presentable, comparing with others will not help you fully accept yourself for who you are and love, since you are in an eternal race for an ideal, be exposed to stress and depression. Be yourself and ignore the established criteria and stereotypes.

Take care of yourself

Maintaining a neat appearance means trying to please yourself, and not earn a good attitude from others. This is the only way to achieve self-esteem and increase self-confidence. Agree that a girl with well-groomed hair, natural makeup and clean, ironed clothes creates a much more positive impression than one who does not pay due attention to her appearance.

Act on your own

There are many criteria in society about how to look. But not everyone likes the rules. Determine what you think is normal and live up to those views. This will help you to love yourself for who you are.

You can often come across such nonsensical advice - you must always think positively. This is interpreted in different ways, but there are times when a person who adheres to this rule will have to forcibly change his thinking.

How to start loving life and yourself in practice: the psychology of actions

Take a piece of paper and divide it into two columns. In the first, write a list of your own positive qualities, and in the second, your shortcomings. Then cross out all negative characteristics, tear off this half of the sheet and discard. But repeat the advantages periodically. This will help to influence the subconscious and improve self-esteem.

It is also worth finding a reason to be proud of your personality. Don't stop comparing with the one you were yesterday. What has the past day taught you? What new have you learned and what victories have you won? Answers will build self-esteem and teach you self-esteem. Concentrate on the positives. If you tirelessly achieve your goals, then satisfaction is unlikely to leave you. And the implementation of new plans will be more pleasant every time. You will learn to appreciate your work and your efforts. And this is a huge step towards achieving self-love.

Last wisdom

In the article, I described aspects of psychology, how to love yourself and what this means. Do not think that the ability to value yourself is a manifestation of selfishness. The state implies the absence of distinctions between all individuals in society. In every environment we see our own particle and this wonderful feeling grows several times.

Personal consultation

In difficult life situations, there is a feeling of hopelessness and despair. The most effective way is personal consultation.

One hour meeting at your unique request in Moscow.

Sign up for a consultation